Alright, it’s official. After two and half years of editing, and four years of involvement, I am 100% out of L0tus Magazine. While I have stayed gracious and amicable publicly, this is my blog, so I can bitch as much as I want. L0tus is doing what I always knew it would have to do eventually: the social consciousness content that initially attracted me to it, and that was my priority when developing content, has *never* brought in money, and with the bottom line in mind, the magazine will be shifting its content to a primarily music/rave/club theme to broaden its appeal to advertisers.

And so, once again, the bottom line takes precedence over enriching lives. sigh… The worst part of this is that SDG, in his typically pass*ve way, acted like the bad boyfriend who wants out of the relationship but doesn’t have the balls to break up. He basically made my situation so intolerable (not paying me, not calling me, making decisions without me) that I had to quit. And then when I did, he eagerly accepts, relieved. Frustrating. Gutless. Typical.

I spent a good half hour sobbing over the situation…four years of my life coming to a close. Then I went for a walk in the woods and marvelled at the encroaching spring. There were Indian Plum bushes with their leaves already coming out, a few brave birds chirruping in the trees, some bright orange mushrooms peaking out from the dead leaves on the forest floor. I had to remind myself that the death/ending/winter/pain/goodbye part of the cycle is necessary for the birth/beginning/spring/joy/hello part to happen. So, I’m trying to graciously welcome this leg of the cycle in hopes that it will make the next phase arrive sooner.

But I’m still weepy and dribbling snot everywhere, answering emails from writers wondering what I’m doing next (me: “I have no idea.”), and wishing me well.