Me + Cooking = No
Tonight I tried my hand at baking a cake. I failed.

For starters, I didn’t have eggs. That’s ok: I’d been told that bananas work as a vegan egg substitute. Then I didn’t have vegetable oil. That’s ok: my dad told me to always use olive oil anyway. Then I made too much hawaiian frosting.

The cake fell apart when I took it out of the pan. I packed it back together (making it substantially smaller and not at all fluffy). Then it tasted sort of like olive oil banana pudding. Now my teeth are hairy, my stummy feels grossgusting, and I have confirmed my status as “bad housebitch.”

Oh, and the kitchen is a mess. Perhaps I should stick to writing and panchakes.