Today I had the opportunity to accompany Andreas up to Vancouver, BC. He’s DJing at a club up there tonight, and unfortunately I’m a bad DJ girlfriend and am not going to dance right in front of the turntables and talk to strangers about how great he is (groan–I’ve never ever been that kind of girlfriend in the four years that I’ve been dating this DJ). We had planned to go plant the seeds of our future defection to Canada (shh–don’t tell), but I realized that I simply couldn’t deal with going up and partying when I’m a bit of an emo basketcase and all I feel like doing is sitting on my roof and appreciating the skyline.

I also couldn’t deal with the prospect of going into a social situation when I’m sort of dented. There’s nothing worse than being with a bunch of people, some you know well, some you don’t really know at all, and trying to maintain an air of light-hearted wahoo-ness. I just wasn’t up the challenge of keeping a good face about it all. Some of this has to do with this last week, and some of it has to do with other issues I’m working through right now (issues that, as much as I love my blog, simply aren’t appropriate for world wide web consumption).

Monday night, I had what under any other circumstances would have been a very difficult, emotional two hour long phone conversation. Naturally, by Tuesday morning my emotional issues were put aside for national level horror and grief. Who cares about my stupid emo bullshit when there’s people dieing? But last night I was reminded that the issues are still there, only now they’re tangled up with other overwhelming feelings. Once again, no matter where you go, there you are. Insecurities, fears, instabilities, and unsuredness in tow. And, quite honestly, I had no desire to go up to Vancouver BC and parade around some club with my own instability on my sleeve. Call me prideful, but some of us would rather stay home than force others to deal with our emotional incompetance.

So, I sat on the roof and appreciated the skyline, and then went sailing with my friend T. We drank wine, waved to bobbing sea lions, and enjoyed an amazing sunset.