Despite the fact that I’ve never had children.

1. I have lots of framed photographs.
They sit atop dressers, on shelves, next to plants, in the bathroom. They’re everywhere. Most of Andreas and I. It’s embarassing, but I can’t stop.

2. I talk about the weather
“Oooh boy!” I’ll coo, “It’s really raining out, isn’t it?”

3. I send Thank You cards

4. I clip coupons
Granted, this is the result of being unemployed, but I get a sick sort of pleasure out of it. How else can you explain the three untouched boxes of brownie mix in my cabinet? (3-for-$2!)

5. I had to ask someone what bling means