I know I’m going to get a whole bunch of hate mail for this list, so let me say this first: if you do any of these things, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you, just that I’m sick of that thing you (and everyone else) have been doing. Don’t go get all offended and shit.

1. Personality Tests
You know what, I don’t want to know which Winnie The Pooh character you’d be, what kind of parasite you are (”According to this test, I am lice because I love children and have slender, shapely legs…”), or which form of cocaine your personality matches. Chances are I’ll get a much better impression of who you are by reading your writing.

2. Writing About Not Writing
Wow, so you haven’t updated in a week. You don’t need to write about how lazy you are. I can see for myself.

3. Veiled References To Interesting/Traumatic/Exciting Life Events
How frustrating is it read that something REALLY BIG happened, but you’re not going to tell us what it is. If you’re not going to share, don’t bring the toys to school. Or do an email sign up list so you can send out the news to the people who you know are interested, but don’t have to broadcast it to your enemies, boss, or parents.

4. Bitchy Anonymous Comments
I realize that the internet is a place where you can be confrontational, but if you’re going to be a dick, at least have some balls.