Have you heard about the The Foundation For a Better Life? I started seeing the billboards near my apartment last month: “UNITY. Pass it on.” The only product represented (besides the oh-so patriotic photo of a blond Aryan girl holding an American flag, very Tommy Hilfiger) was “Foundation For a Better Life” at the bottom.

It sounded like some sort of creepy McCarthy or Desert Storm era government-funded patriotism branding charity. It scared me. Who says that more Industry would make my life better? Who paid for this enormous media bomb?

“A better life” is something that’s so subjective that I’m actually pissed that some presumptuous fuck felt they could define it for me. MY foundation for a better life would include lots of houseplants, pet rats, dancing, and lines of coke off Brad Pitt’s ass. Until The Foundation For a Better Life can bring me those things, I’m not swayed by their creepy public service announcements.