This morning I had my first new insurance-sponsored dental appointment. The cleaning process was a little brutal…nothing like seeing the dentist flip over his little two headed Metal Pick Of Death, and see that the part that was just raking under your gums is dripping with thick slobbery blood. Mm. Keep in mind that this was all at 8:30 in the morning.

As he was scraping and scraping away, I kept thinking, “Shit, this dentist is using excessive force! I don’t think I’ve ever had a cleaning that was this brutal!” Then I remembered that I’ve never gone four years without a cleaning before. I’m sure he had plenty to work with.

The good news? Only two little cavities. Four years, and only two li’l cavities!