Daily affirmations of a word mercenary
Breast Fest
13Sep2002 Filed under: Zomg blogger archivesLast night I was invited to an event coming up this weekend called “Breast Fest.” It’s an all-woman party thinger a friend is hosting. Now, Andreas and I both have our gender issues (anyone remember the goddess revival?), but Dre got really into asking our friends who are part of “Breast Fest” why they felt the need to have a gender-segregated event.
One of our friends explain that Los Angeles (and elsewhere) women are ogled, objectified, and peripheralized a lot. That women here (and elsewhere, too) learn to act differently around men than they do around women, and therefore an event for women lets the attendees enjoy being feminine around the females…without concern of aggressive male-types around.
“But, what if sexually aggressive lesbians showed up?” Andreas asked. Our friend answered, “That wouldn’t be ok either. We’re trying to create a safe, non-predatory environment.”
“So, even if I want to paint my nails and do belly dancing and sit naked in a hot tub, I can’t go?” Andreas asked. Our friend explained that while those of us that know him understand that he’s about the nicest, most feministic, least predatory guy on the face of the planet, women who aren’t famililiar with him wouldn’t know that. Therefore, no, he couldn’t come, even if he wanted to paint his nails (which, by the way, he does more than I do).
It was an interesting discussion, and I think that both Andreas and I are exceptionally spoiled. As the daughter of a feminist and a gender-progressive father, I grew up with the privilege of taking equality between the sexes for granted. I learned not to customize my personality to fit with the people in the room. Andreas, as the son of a lesbian, grew up with the privilege of being surrounded by strong, intelligent, outspoken women, and understanding the nuances of gender-identity and sexual-identity.
And now here we are in Los Angeles. Pornography capitol of the world. Home to hundreds of thousands of cosmetically-altered slender women and the men who like to look at them. I have a super-heightened awareness of all the sexual dynamics I’m immersed in here…I called a bike store to check prices on a cruiser I wanted, and the super-friendly sales guy gave me a great price, and then finished the conversation with, “So, why don’t you put on that cute little sun-dress, walk over, and hook yourself up with the perfect Venice beach bike?”
Oops, I’m sorry: did you just tell me to put on a cute little sun-dress? Wow, I’m so spoiled by Seattle. I heard a story on NPR once about a survey that had looked at the best states for women to live. They looked at mortality rates, employment figures, salaries, domestic violence levels, healthcare, sexual harassment suits, and other factors, and found that Washington, Vermont, and Connecticut were the best in the nation. In Seattle, unlike LA, I’ve never had a man tell me, “Wow, Ariel. You’re, like, a guy,” because I swore and spoke my mind.
Anyway, I’m keenly aware of it now…but I worry that it’s going to be like when I first moved from quaint little Bainbridge Island into the city. At first I was keenly aware of panhandlers. Now my brain does an instant “Yes, I see you. You’re broke. I’m close to broke, but I’m not asking you for money” justification, and I say “Sorry, not today,” and keep walking. At times I get quite afraid that I’ll get equally numb to LA and its fucked up gender politics.
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3 Responses to “Breast Fest”
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Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, is in bookstores now.
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peter clark
September 1st, 2006 at 4:49 pm
I’m sorry if I come off as grand standing but your article gave me a great deal to think up on. It occurs to me that while one side of feminism has been emphasising that women are not by nature nature of their sex passive objects of sexual attraction and certainly not victims or victims in waiting there is another side of feminism that has been stressing the exact opposite. That women are victimised and need special treatment as a result. I can not be the only individual who finds these 2 view points wholly incompatible.
It seems to me that feminists asks us to not only modify our actions but our thinking. It asks us not to think of women as inherently weaker and a whole host of other things. It emphasises that the trends in a gender can be no more fairly applied to an individual than the trends in a race. Now it does not seem unreasonable to me to ask the same of women. That they should adjust their thinking so as not to paint all men as predators and sexually aggressive and all the other things that are normally associated with masculinity.
After all if a women was excluded from a job as a security guard on the basis that women tend to be physical weaker we would cry discrimination and demand she be judged on her own merit rather than the tendencies of her sex. Equally I believe it is a simple case of personal discrimination on behalf of the women who will not judge the conduct and character of men on a case by case basis but resort to judging them based on their preconceptions regarding their sex.
I personally am aware of the fact that women tend to act in a very different, much more closed way, around me as a man than other women. This seems true even when they know me reasonably well and I find it personally hurtful.
I wonder if most women know that there are men who envy their position being ogled? A women need be only moderately attractive and dress in a moderately attractive manner to know that she is catching the attention of men around her where as many men feel they would need to be a male model passing by a nymphomaniac to attract attention purely on the basis of physical attraction.
Such men would probably love to be in the position of having women quite blatantly expressing an interest in them on that basis. Not because they want to be objectified any more than a women does but because they want to be made to feel desirable.
It seems to me that society as a whole and men in society in particular are well into the process of adjusting the way in which women are perceived and thought of. Yet activities such as this ‘breast fest’ suggest to me that the equivalent paradigm shift on the part of women’s thinking of men is in it’s infancy at best. I personally think it is very important this imbalance be redressed because I think that the lagging behind of one process will put the breaks on the other.
Ariel
September 1st, 2006 at 4:56 pm
I can not be the only individual who finds these 2 view points wholly incompatible.
You’re certainly not. There’s extensive discussion of feminism and victimization all over the place, and in fact much has been written about the two kinds of feminism — Power Feminism and Victim Feminism. Here’s an article that deals very much with this conundrum.
peter clark
September 1st, 2006 at 5:46 pm
Indeed it is an interesting article but there is one thing about it that strikes me. All versions of feminism there in have a central philosophy of a divide between men and women. Even those feminist who advocate an equality of power seem (in said article) to frame that notion as an equality between the opposing factions of male and female. It seems to me the true necessity is the introduction of the notion of a gender blindness to parallel the colour-blindness in opposition to racism.
As much as possible is it not better to introduce laws and encourage attitudes that cause people not to make distinctions between genders except where biology comes in to play? If so do not those ‘power feminists’ do feminism a disservice by framing their cause in such a manor?