This note was posted on a bookshelf in my bedroom, circa 1997:

“Ariel, do not drink alcohol. It makes you sick.”

I’m not sure where the note went, but it’s clear that I still need to have it posted somewhere. Here will have to do. I mean, yes: I realize I’m a lightweight, but two drinks?! Seriously: two drinks and I’m puking. Can’t a girl have any fucking fun around here? The upside is that I’m not hung over. I don’t think two drinks is enough to cause a headache. Even if one of them is a tequila shot.

(Photo reminders of why I don’t drink will be posted once the paparazzi get home and upload them.)