Looking back, I can think of only two incredibly distinct moments when I had a snap of clarity and realized I was exactly where I needed to be. Moments of being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time. Moments of looking around and thinking, “Yes! This is it. This is my place in this world.”

This is not to say that there weren’t other times and places that felt just right. Being admitted to honors English classes in 7th grade gave me a sense of intellectual belonging I’d never experienced. Being in Greasepaint, my community’s high school theater training program, made me feel like I fit perfectly into my myopic view of the greather scheme of things. But these weren’t moments of clarity…rather, just gradual, “Ah yes. That’s it. Here I am.”

The two moments of clarity occurred on these days: November 30, 1994 and April 27, 1996.

The former was the night I drove down from Seattle to Olympia, WA for my first Phish concert. There was a moment during a song called “Reba” when the music’s tempo shifted, the lights went horizontal, and I thought to myself, “This is the time and place for me.” Did that mean I became a massive Phishead, spending summers on tour? Nope. I stayed in college, worked my crappy retail jobs, and didn’t leave Seattle much. But after years of desperately trying to fit my weird peg into a normal hole, my snap of clarity helped me abandon the fruitless task of trying to be someone I wasn’t. Life was better after that. I might be a very boring person if I hadn’t had that snap.

And April 27th, 1996? Don’t laugh, but it was my first rave. I stopped to share a cigarette with some nice unknown boy who asked me, “So, do you come to raves a lot?” I tried to focus on his face, and said simply, “No, but I think I’ll have to.” You can snicker all you want, but that snap of clarity changed my life in more ways than I count. Raving started my writing career. Raving introduced me to Andreas. That night in 1996 was the beginning of something quite big. I’ve spent more years as a part of rave culture than I spent in college. Sure, sure: I’m not much of a raver any more, but I’m still a part of the culture.

Snaps of clarity are rare and so incredibly important. Do you remember yours?