Electrolicious

7 Responses to “Unmarriage”

1. ericalynn
   December 17th, 2002 at 7:14 pm

   

   I read something about that in last week’s New Yorker. It really is an interesting read, to say the least…

2. philippe
   December 18th, 2002 at 3:07 am

   

   hee hee, I live, unmarried, for 13 years now with the same person, we have 2 kids, and the last thing I need is a book to tell me how to ‘keep my relation strong’ or a ‘marriage decision tool’ ! The day I’ll feel compelled to buy such a joke, I’d rather worry about our future.

   Now, I’m interested by the ‘alternatives to marriage project’. In France, for a few years, we got the PACS (in french, sorry) a sort of a diet-marriage, intended to provide unmarried couples some of the benefits of marriages. After strong debates it is now widely accepted.

   It originated as a socially acceptable substitute to marriage for gays, but is actually quite popular with straight couples also.

   And that’s puzzle me. Where I live being unmarried is really not a problem. I don’t have time to dig the stats, but roughly 50% of birth in France are from unmaried couples. It’s really an acceptable way of life. I fully aknowledge the romantic value of marriage, the mutual commitment, the social recognition etc.. Now if it is what you want, get married, why a substitute ? As long as divorce is automaticly granted, as long as kids from unmarried couples are not discriminated, there is no need nor incentive to marry. It’s a free individual decision. Who needs an alternative ?

   If one day we decide to marry, we’ll go for the real thing, not a lousy ersatz !

3. Echo
   December 18th, 2002 at 10:10 am

   

   I’m putting this on my wishlist Ariel! Thanks to you and East/West for the recommendation. For those of us who don’t have 13 years of experience behind us, I am sure it can’t hurt!

4. Ariel
   December 18th, 2002 at 12:17 pm

   

   Philippe, marriage beliefs are just one more way in which Europeans are much more forward-thinking than Americans.

   Here in the US there are a lot of rights that go along with marriage. For example, if Andreas were to be in an accident, I would not be able to visit him in the hospital because I am not “family.” If Andreas and I were married, I would be automatically enrolled in his health insurance program. There’s also a lot of cultural issues at play…when I told aqaintences in Seattle that I was moving to LA because Andreas found a great job down here, people asked me questions like, “You’re moving for your boyfriend?” and “Well, when you get rid of that boyfriend, you’re always welcome back here!” No one would EVER say such things if I’d I was moving with my husband.

5. leblanc
   December 18th, 2002 at 2:37 pm

   

   i might check that book out, being a co-habitator for almost five years now myself.

   and although there are certain perks to being married, as you mentioned, and in CA there are a lot of perks for common law (7+ years) and co-habitating couples - health insurance included, as long as you fit the other criteria, which is cool.

6. philippe
   December 20th, 2002 at 3:09 am

   

   hmm, echo, I didn’t intend to pontificate here… I’m not claiming I’m an expert because of my 13 years.
   *My* point was that no one should need a manual to rule his life. When you need one, it means you’re in trouble.

7. Echo
   December 20th, 2002 at 1:32 pm

   

   Understood Philippe!