So, I’m now at -7 pounds from when I started the cleanse. Weight has not dropped as much as I expected, which suggests that if I want to lose weight after this cleanse, it’s going to be a metabolism/exercise issue, and not a dietary change. If a diet this radical has results that small (because let’s be honest: 5 of that 7 lbs is just food that’s not in my system), it’s clear that my body isn’t in the shape it’s in because of food…it’s because of a slowing metabolism. Makes sense, I suppose.

This morning was pretty touch and go. While some women claim that the Arise & Shine Cleanse makes their menstrual cramps disappear, I did not enjoy that benefit. Medications are verboten while cleansing, but I’m sorry: I was not going to make it through the day at work without my ibuprofin. But I tried to go without it for a couple hours, and was in a strange distorted land of aches, pains, and delusions.

The amount of mucoid plaque coming out of me is truly stunning. I’m not sure if any of you really want to hear more, but if you’re curious, email me privately and I’ll fill you in on the gruesome details.

I haven’t worked out at all this week, which makes me feel a little stiff and creaky, but I really don’t think it would be a good idea to go pushing myself when I’m permanently running on empty. Plus it would make me feel way too much like an after school special. “Ariel was a normal healthy girl. Next thing we knew, she was only ingesting weird new age glop shakes, working out every day of the week, and cutting off her arms to ‘drop those extra 15 pounds.’ She eventually became allergic to dairy, all grains, soy, all spices, foods beginning with the letter ‘p,’ green vegetables, red fruits, Vitamin C, and water.”

You’ll note the distinct lack of a “MORE…” link in this post. That’s because there’s no menu to report. Today I drank juice.