Daily affirmations of a word mercenary
Summer of 1992, my two best friends and I liked to pass our late nights by driving around Bainbridge Island, then a sub-rural community beginning its transformation into its current upper-middle class suburban state. Like bored teenagers driving around hometowns everywhere, we were looking for trouble…but in our case it was plastic trouble.
We were looking for big wheels.
None of us drank and two of us were virgins, so we had to get our thrills where we could. 3:30 on Sunday mornings, we would cruise the wealthy newly-developed neighborhoods scanning dewy lawns for glistening big wheels left out by rich children who hadn’t put them away come sunset. When we hit the jackpot, the car would silently roll to a stop, one of us would silently jump out, and the big wheel would be confiscated.
No eruptions of teenage giggles would ensue until we were safely back in the car and several blocks away. We knew when to be quiet.
Once we’d accumulated three big wheels, we would drive to the steepest, longest hill we could find. Typically, it was Arrow Point, near Battle Point Park. We’d hide whoever’s car we happened to be driving and take our big wheels to the top of the hill.
Then we’d head down the hill on our stolen plastic contraband.
Riding a big wheel is no small feat when you’re 17 trying to fit into a seat designed for a 6 year old. The plastic seats would sag beneath our asses, and putting your feet on the pedals (and therefore brakes) was not an option. Knees can’t bend like that. My two companions always opted to ride the hills with their legs sticking straight out on either side of the front wheel. This was probably smart as they could use their feet to brake.
I, meanwhile, preferred to prop my legs up over the steering wheel. This granted me no braking control, but allowed for a less awkward, more kamikaze, experience.
We would scream down the hill, the sound of over-burdened plastic against concrete in our ears, the rush of night air on our faces. It was very exciting in that “don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do?” sort of way.
One weekend night, as we were in a mid-hill decent, a car crested the hill in the front of us. “Ditch!” came up the battle cry, and all three of us steered toward the ditch at the side of the road. Since the other two could use their feet to brake, they had smooth transitions from downhill to ditch. I, meanwhile, steered to sharply to the right, and wiped out on the asphalt…effectively wiping off the top several layers of skin from my right forearm.
I made it into the ditch anyway. We liked to think the cars never saw us, but I’m sure there were late night Island drivers wondering what the HELL those three girls were doing in the ditch at this time of night. Whatever. I was bleeding and pissed off and had cracked the axle of my big wheel. This meant we would have to hunt for a replacement next weekend, instead of just enjoying our night-rides.
The road rash on my arm healed pretty well. It turned into a vast field of scab.
A couple weeks after my accident, I headed to Lollapalooza with Susannah. We weren’t big grunge fans, but we were high school girls with a huge rock festival happening at the county fairgrounds where we used to show our rabbits as part of 4H, so we had to go…just for the irony of it, really.
Naturally, when Soundgarden came onto the main stage, I did what every good 17 year old girl wearing flannel and cut-offs was supposed to do: I went into the enormous mosh pit.
It was dusty-sweaty and hot and exciting and rough and all the things that mosh pits were supposed to be. I jostled around and laughed and tried to keep from get getting knocked over. I didn’t know any of the songs playing, so I couldn’t really sing along. If I’d been trying harder I could have been a poser, but realistically I was just there … having as much fun as I could.
After the set ended, the mosh throng loosened up, and I squeezed my way out to go get some lemonade and meet back up with Susannah.
Once out of the crowd, I straighten my shirt and hair and noticed my arm.
Where my expansive brittle scab had been, now was just smooth pink skin. Not a single crust or hint of scabacious material remained. I poked my arm. It wasn’t tender or painful in the least.
I slowly realized that all the sweat and friction from the mosh pit had effectively eased the scab, piece by piece, right off my skin. A sense of foul accomplishment spread through me as I realized that every person who’d slammed against me, every sweating concert-goer who’d jostled up next to that innocent looking 17 year old girl that was me, every single one of them had taken away a little gift. They’d one by one transferred my scab to their skin or clothing.
And THAT was disgusting.
And THAT was hard-fucking-core.
Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, is in bookstores now.
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Sincy
April 23rd, 2003 at 7:48 am
1992 lollapalooza - I was wearing my Pearl Jam concert T yesterday. The one with the little girl on the front playing with crayons and not playing with the gun. The back has the words “9 out of 10 Kids prefer Crayons to Guns”. Original Concert T from Lollapalooza ‘92.
No bigwheels though…
leblanc
April 23rd, 2003 at 12:23 pm
i hate mosh pits.
BUT - when i lived with my grandmother one summer when i was 14, we used to go around at night in a big van and steal cement lawn ornaments - you know, virgin marys, bird baths, etc. there was one place down the road that made and sold them, and we would STOCKPILE them (although they are very heavy), especially the cement Seven Dwarfs.
stealing stuff in the middle of the night is fun. i understand why people do it.
paisley
April 24th, 2003 at 12:18 am
oh yea , late night raids
we used to steal “For Sale” signs out of people’s front yard and the best part was , after we’d collected a large amount of them we’d think of someone we knew ,drive to their house and stick about 8-14 for sale signs in their front yard ..
that was fun:)
philippe
April 24th, 2003 at 1:25 am
I can’t believe you used to stole bikes from 6 years old kids. What a mean thing to do ! Good thing you got hurt. Serves you right.
Side question : I don’t get the “where we used to show our rabbits as part of 4H” line. What’s a 4H ? (silly question maybe, but I’m french…)
stephanie
April 24th, 2003 at 5:17 am
I *so* remember Lollapalooza at the fairgrounds. How I wished that I had been allowed to go!! Luckily, my good friend lived very close to the fairgrounds, so a bunch of us piled into her backyard just to listen and long that we were there.
amanda
April 24th, 2003 at 5:31 am
awwww, memories of Lollapalooza where I dyed my hair with Kool-aid and got kicked in the face to the sounds of the Beastie Boys while in the mosh pit. good times.
suz
April 24th, 2003 at 7:22 am
4H is an organization for kids, where one chooses a project (rabbit raising for us) and learn as much about it as possible. Come summertime one takes one’s project to the county fair to demonstrate how much one has learned about said project.
If I remember correctly this Lollapalooza was also where we learned about cunnilingus and how to make a dental dam from a condom…we were now well informed virgins.
Ariel
April 24th, 2003 at 8:32 am
Here’s more about 4H, Philippe. The 4 Hs are Head, Heart, Hands, Health. For what it’s worth for any parents reading this, 4H was a really positive experience….for both Susanna and I, I think! I recommend it.
And that’s RIGHT, Suz. I’d totally forgotten about the dental dams. We were so savvy!
leblanc
April 24th, 2003 at 10:03 am
we had 4H in northern mich. too, but i was never in it. we had our own farm at home anyway. but everytime i think about it now, i remember that scene in Nat’l Lampoons Vacation where the cousin (a young Jane Krakowski from Allie McBeal) is talking about winning an award for raising her pig, etc., and then says “farming does have it’s advantages” and pulls out the shoebox full of weed…… heehee.
Anita Rowland
April 24th, 2003 at 11:22 am
In Seattle Cacophony days we tried to do some big wheel racing down at westlake plaza. But we didn’t want to spend much, and the big wheels you can find at goodwill are usually busted, and we never dared to go out stealing them from front yards, so this even was not one of our most notable.
dori
April 26th, 2003 at 12:01 pm
missed that lollapalooza - sat through the first one tho, sixth row center seats to jane’s addiction, siouxsie, etc., and about six hits of acid… never made it back to a LP again until parliament/beasties/tribe rolled around - i couldn’t believe it but the stadium was practically empty. for parliament!!!!! it was only later on that all the beastie boys fans showed up for the psychedelic finish. i was kind of pissed off that no one bothered to recognize the psychedlic foreparents of parliament… and that was my last lollapalooza (no acid that time, i was still coming down from a rave that took place two nights before).
as for cars - you one-upped me with the big wheels - our biggest accomplishment was rolling the car out of the garage and down the street until we were far enough that we could start it, drive around and bash mailboxes, etc.
as for the scab - TOTALLY hardcore - fucking disgusting!!!
the bricklayer
April 27th, 2003 at 5:44 pm
awww, i was thinking about BigWheels the other day. was gonna post, but you beat me to it. hilarious though