Cry Me A River
16Apr2003 Filed under: CareerStarting next week, I have to be at work by 8:00 am. What no one seems to understand is that before 9 am, no amount of caffeine prevents me from being an unintelligible disoriented clutch of unkempt hair and glistening eye boogers. It’s like Cinderella, only in heinous frightening reverse wherein one of her ugly, scary, violence-prone stepsisters shows up to the ball, squinty-eyed and foul-mouthed, hunched over a computer miserably tap-tap-tapping at her keyboard whilst drooling upon herself languidly. Did I mention that I smell before 9 am? I’m all a-gas and a-grumble, oozing pus and bile and dragging my butt around on a leash intoning, “Come on, girl. Come on.” My butt refuses to keep up, dragging itself along the ground whimpering and piddling on itself.
Non sequiter: I had a dream about bears last night.
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8 Responses to “Cry Me A River”
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Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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btezra
April 16th, 2003 at 8:46 am
“I smell before 9 am? I’m all a-gas and a-grumble, oozing pus and bile ”
I believe this may be a medical excuse for not having to be in the office pit by 8 am…you may want to consult your MD.
amy
April 16th, 2003 at 9:32 am
Mmm… I had wake up at 5:30 am this morning for work. It’s 12:30 now, and my body still hasn’t forgiven me. Oh, and in protest at having to come in early, I didn’t shower or put on nice clothes today. That’ll show them. Anyway, I sympathize abundantly.
brittney
April 16th, 2003 at 10:29 am
“an unintelligible disoriented clutch of unkempt hair and glistening eye boogers”
Word mercenary, indeed.
Tumbleweed
April 16th, 2003 at 11:20 am
> Non sequiter: I had a dream about bears last night.
That reminds me - I had a dream last week where I had just gotten a new pet - a “miniature Koala” - it was almost full-grown at about 6″ tall, and it was cute as could be. The problem? In my dream, I was worried that my cat would want to eat it! (A cat which I do not have.)
I’m all for genetic manipulation - a miniature Koala would be quite awesome, now that I’ve seen what they look like. And hey, what about cats that stay the size of kittens? That’d be great, too. Maybe geneticists can fix dogs so they don’t drool, stink, and act like idiots. Then I could like dogs.
Ango
April 16th, 2003 at 12:48 pm
I almost feel bad to say this…. But I am a morning person… I wake up, smiling at 5:00am everyday, not because I have to, but because I like to take my none drooling (!!) dog for a walk before I go to work.. love to see the sun come up… etc.. Then I will start my hour long drive to work at 6:30… do my “thing” for 30 minutes until work starts at 8… I know… It’s really sickening!! And, to top that, -I don’t drink coffee….
Gwendolyn
April 16th, 2003 at 1:07 pm
You too, eh?
Katydid
April 16th, 2003 at 2:31 pm
Sometimes I amaze myself. As a person who used to sleep until 12:00 when ever possible, I can now rise relatively happily at 5:00am. Don’t get me wrong, if given the opportunity I would much rather sleep until 7 or even 10 o’clock. The trick has been doing something I thought I would never do, keeping a regular (and early) bed time. I guess that’s what happens when we get old and (yuck) ‘responsible’.
kim
April 17th, 2003 at 1:15 pm
give my last work schedule a try - 6AM to 5PM. did i mention that included saturdays? things like this are the only reason i am dragging myself through my degree…