PLEASE NOTE THE DATE ON THIS POST: this review was written in 2003. I have no idea what Juliano’s is like now.

Tonight Megasoul and I went to Juliano’s Raw to test the uncooked cuisine. I advised Megasoul to put on her celebrity spotting glasses, because raw is the latest celebrity food fad, and Juliano (be sure to check the “See Juliano by Clicking Here!!” link on that page) does catered meals for celebrities. Megasoul is also a notoriously good celebrity-spotter.

We walked in to find the intimate dining room busy and quite loud. Naturally, the restaurant was designed to showcase the preparation area, with Juliano himself (wearing his ubiquitous crop-top and butt-cleavage pants), presiding over the sushi bar-like countertop. The hostess (wearing a sari-styled outfit that ensured a maximum amount of well-tanned skin was visible) took us to our table, and we admired the floral arrangements and wait staff. Everyone who works at Juliano’s Raw looks like they have their agent’s phone number tucked in their respective g-strings, and I’m confident that many of them did. They were all hot. Really hot. Sadly, our waitress seemed to be dumb as a bag of bricks, but man: was she was cute!

Within 10 minutes, Megasoul noted that Alanis Morrisette was eating at the bar, and then Woody Harrelson was seated directly behind me. That was more irritating than anything else, because it meant the back of my chair was being constantly bumped into by eager wait staff, ass-kissing producer-types, and some strange hippy dude who approached Woody with a gift, and told him “I really admire the path you’re on, brother. Peace to you.”

As for the food? It was very, very good. We started with the “rawvioli,” an appetizer with three wee little veggie-wrapped garlic-y ravioli-esque thingers. Very tasty. Then was the “salmon” sushi, complete with raw pickled garlic, which was very flavorful. Sadly, the portions were maddenly small. They were moderately priced (appetizers were $6 or so, entrees around $10 or $11), but teeny-tiny…although gorgeous. Every dish arrived festooned in flower petals, with garnishes of sunflower sprouts and spiced sauces.

For entrees, Megasoul ordered the “rawzania” and I got the “cheezeburger.” Again, the plates arrived looking like small works of art (emphasis on small), the “cheezeburger” featuring sprouted grain buns, a patty made of mushrooms and nuts, pickled fresh cucumbers, and an INSANELY SPICY nut sauce that doubled as “cheese.” The tastes were initially overwhelmed by the sheer hotness of the nut sauce, but either the first couple bites happened to be more spicy than the rest, or else my taste buds went into complete endorphin-rush spice shock and ceased to function, because eventually I could enjoy the rest of the tastes. The pickles were fantastic, and the dehydrated and crusty zucchini “fries” on the side were excellent. My only complaint? Again, portion related: I got four “fries.” Four.

Staunchly ignoring the fact that Woody’s entourage behind me was growing and that our waitress could probably drown in a five gallon bucket, we continued onto dessert. Raw desserts are notoriously rich and tasty, since “sweet” is a flavor that nature does really well. We got a chocolate goo-goo and then some sort of fantastical strawberry shortcake thing. Both were divine, although the chocolate goo was heavy to a fault. Both Megasoul and I were particularly impressed by the “graham cracker” crust of the strawberry dessert. How did they do that? It was SO good.

We finished our meal, paid our bill (two appetizers, two entries, and two desserts, with tip came to $58), and headed out the door. Woody followed us out.

Update, October 2003
I’ve spoken to a couple former Raw employees, and apparently there was a mass staff exodus from the restaurant. The result has been that many menu items are unavailable, service has declined, and quality isn’t what it once was. I know that similar things happened at Juliano’s former restaurants in San Francisco, so while it’s not suprising, it is too bad.

Update, March 2005
Sounds like in the two years since this review was written, Juliano’s Raw has done nothing but decline (read the comments below for more reviews). Please DO NOT take my review above as an endorsement of the restaurant — take it as a historical record of how Juliano’s Raw was in early 2003, shortly after it opened.