My life is so exciting that I’m writing about toilet paper
1Jul2003 Filed under: JournalishAndreas’ and my apartment didn’t come with a toilet paper dispenser. There were little painted-over holes on the wall where one used to be, but no toilet paper dispenser was there when we moved in last September.
My parents’ house didn’t have a toilet paper dispenser either, so it was no problem for me to just put the roll of toilet paper on the floor to the right of the toilet, easily accessible and convenient for blindly grabbing hands.
Unfortunately, Andreas has this habit of picking the toilet paper up in his right hand, and then setting it down with his left, meaning that whenever I reach for the toilet paper to the right, I find myself groping thin air, before finding the elusive roll resting to the left of the toilet.
For a while, I tried just having TWO rolls of toilet paper out: one on the left for him, one on the right for me. Wasn’t that a clever work around? No need to discuss or negotiate.
Sadly, the work-around did not work. I would still find myself empty handed when reaching to the right, and then when I peered over my knees to the left, I would see two rolls of toilet paper waiting there.
When one reaches for their toilet paper, they like it to be where they expect it, so this issue led to much kvetching and many nagging cries of “ANDREAS! YOU STOLE MY TOILET PAPER!” from behind the closed bathroom door.
After six months of this epic toilet paper battling, in a burst of Newtonian inspiration, I realized that I could simply hang the toilet paper on the wall (on the RIGHT side) with a loop of twine and a thumbtack.
Domestic bliss reattained.
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11 Responses to “My life is so exciting that I’m writing about toilet paper”
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Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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mister justin
July 1st, 2003 at 12:17 pm
I had a similar problem with a roommate once — we disagreed on which way the toilet paper should be placed on the holder.
One thought it should roll to the front, the other to the back.
Now, if I put on a new roll and made it roll to the front, I’d come back and find it switched. Switch it back and it’d just happen again.
Finally I bought a second holder and screwed both in to the wall — one rolled to the front, one to the back.
As you say, domestic bliss was reattained.
paisley
July 1st, 2003 at 12:24 pm
im a leftie so i always put the TP on the left side of the toilet (we are also without a holder)
however my husband and our roomie tend to put it on the back of the toilet !
that makes no sense to me at all..
wondering
July 1st, 2003 at 1:29 pm
Um…just how expensive is a plastic TP holder, anyhow?
Ariel
July 1st, 2003 at 1:32 pm
More expensive than the twine and thumbtack — I can tell you that much!
Cade
July 1st, 2003 at 1:51 pm
I had to do the same thing, though my reason was because my cats discovered the joys of hanging off the roll of tp. The dispenser was just out of their reach, but just close enough that they could jump up. It wasn’t very funny after the first few times, so I used a necklace of coloured plastic beads and some string tacked farther up the wall.
Cheers!
Cade
Maggie
July 1st, 2003 at 9:02 pm
OK, I gotta give my two cents on this one…I happen to have a pet peeve about the roll making it onto the holder, when there is one to be used. (We have holders.)
I also happen to live with two wonderful roomies who apparently don’t have the same strong convictions about this as I do. Mmm, yes, Ariel, when you’re quite accustomed to having the roll where you think it is, and discover in a quick moment that it’s nowhere NEAR where you think it is, the experience is likely to give you a momentary sensation that the ground is up, the sky is down, and your ears are full of water.
Vera
July 2nd, 2003 at 9:09 am
Question: Say, Andreas uses the bathroom and when he leaves, the toilet paper roll is to the left of the toilet. Now say that you, Ariel, don’t use the bathroom that day and instead, the next person that uses the bathroom is again Andreas. Andreas, as we know, expects to find the toilet paper roll to the right as well, right? But if he was the last person to use it, the roll would still be on the left. How does he feel about that? Did that ever happen?
esther
July 2nd, 2003 at 9:27 am
at least you’re not arguing about the kind of TP you’re using. . . me and my friend were having a discussion about how we value 1-ply/recycled (cause we go through it less fast than 2 ply = more environmnentally sound) but our boyfriends complain and want 2-ply for their delicate little heinies. i’ve asked a lot of my guy friends and it seems to be a consensus that they think women go through TP way too fast, and that they want soft charmin’.
shelley
July 2nd, 2003 at 1:52 pm
I still feel a little uneasy about the situation. I guess I’m worried that the tack will pop out.
philippe
July 3rd, 2003 at 3:07 am
Good question from Vera.
May I suggest Andreas sits backwards ?
xaotica
July 7th, 2003 at 11:00 am
“i’ve asked a lot of my guy friends and it seems to be a consensus that they think women go through TP way too fast, and that they want soft charmin’.”
but we also (usually) wipe after each time we pee… ask them how they’d feel about going down on someone who tastes like piss and that should shut them up about the tp’s volume of usage.