When I got back into Seattle, I sent out an email with all my new contact information. I included virtually everyone in my personal address book, because I’m compulsive about keeping in touch.

Two ex-boyfriends were included in the mail out. I try to keep on relatively good terms with my former lovers — well, with the exceptions of the one that’s dead and the ones that were more, erm, casual in nature (i.e. barely remember first names, let alone last.)

The exchanges I had with the two exes perfectly captured each of them perfectly.

Ex #1: Welcome back to town! The wife and I would love to have dinner with you and Dre when you get settled! Do you need anything?
Me: What, you got a couple meat tenderizers left over from the wedding? ;) Naw, I think we’re ok … thanks, though. I’ll get in touch when we’re settled in.
Ex #1: [No response. Perhaps offended by meat tenderizer comment, or perhaps just assuming (correctly) that I'll get back in touch when we're settled in.]

Ex #2: Welcome back to town! Did your boyfriend move up, too? Wasn’t he a marine biologist or something?
Me: No, you’re thinking of my old roommate, Tim, who was an oceanographer. Andreas is an audio engineer.
Ex #2: That’s right. An audio “engineer.”
Me: [No response. Clearly, ex-boyfriend is still a bit of an arrogant "prick."]