Marriage Wrinkle
10Dec2003 Filed under: LinkageThis is something Andreas and I have talked about, although we’ve not reached any sort of resolution about the issue.
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16 Responses to “Marriage Wrinkle”
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Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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dori
December 10th, 2003 at 11:51 am
totally *off* topic, i was just reading the voice at lunch and JUST returned to my desk to blog about (another) article.
bah, who needs a piece of paper. seriously. the right to get one if you want, sure. the right to say the fuck with it? even better.
leblanc
December 10th, 2003 at 12:06 pm
wow. very interesting. i’m not sure how much of a “practical” effect holding out is - the legislature doesn’t care whether people are choosing not to get married, and we all know the gov’t rarely changes policy unless they are being directly effected, as pointed out by the article. but as a moral stand, i think it’s wonderful.
tlc
December 10th, 2003 at 12:57 pm
Sent to you by your very astute friend Terra, who thought this article was screaming your name. I like that this article suggests some alternatives to both poles.
Ariel
December 10th, 2003 at 1:03 pm
Yes! Drat, I’ve committed a blogger-crime by not crediting my source!
donut
December 10th, 2003 at 6:03 pm
When children are starving in Africa, that means we should eat our peas, not starve in sympathy. My take, anyway.
yara
December 10th, 2003 at 6:45 pm
nice article. there’s another one–similar topic–over at slate: http://slate.msn.com/id/2091475/
nancy
December 10th, 2003 at 7:58 pm
Maybe this is a generational thing. My mom and her partner can’t get married but my mom has gleefully embraced all her daughters’ wedding plans…the next one is in June in Cape Cod!
cameron
December 11th, 2003 at 6:16 am
Definitely an interesting position, and it’ll work well as a perplexing answer to all those people who insist on knowing A) “When are you guys gonna tie the ol’ knot?” and the inevitable followup B) “Why not? What do you have against marriage?” and the occasional C) “But what about when [ed. usually not 'if'] you have kids?”
Unfortunately I suspect that the value of this stance as a means of policy change is likely to be limited. Essentially you’re saying to the government “Until you get out of the business of imposing your twisted form of morality on me and my friends, I’m going to pay you more money in the way of taxes than I necessarily have to.” I would expect this to work about as well as the old “Holding my breath” trick used to work in the grocery store.
-c
Sarah
December 11th, 2003 at 9:32 am
Unfortunately, I think Cameron is right. It is more expensive to be single than married. As far as our government is concerned - having people not get married actually works in their favor.
Ariel
December 11th, 2003 at 9:33 am
Sarah and Cameron: I agree with you. I don’t think it’s an effective form of protest…but the concept is awfully interesting, and certainly one that Andreas especially has brought up.
Douglas Hunter
December 11th, 2003 at 10:04 am
Interesting. One aspect of boycotting marriage as a form of protest that folks may not have thought about (in regards to its effectiveness as a form of protest) is the gross amounts of money that is spent on marriages. The average dollar figure for couples in the United States is more than $30,000 (I apologize for not citing a source, it was an article on the industry of marriage in the New Yorker in the past six months). When that money isn’t spent, folks who survive on an industry that is illegal for most gay people will most probably begin to apply some pressure as well.
I think that this form of protest takes the wrong tack, however. Human rights don’t have a price. Rather, they do have a price, and that is the price of humanity. These rights cannot be bought with money, but with the joined will of womankind. Four score and seven years ago we didn’t bring onto this continent a nation dedicated to the proposition that all women are created equal. We brought to this continent genocide. We brought to this continent slavery. We brought to this continent an epidemic of domestic violence. But at least we brought into this continent the ability to change over time. Women can vote now. I can piss next to a black man (and if I’m in a gay bar, look at his cock without getting punched). We can change the backward marriage laws too, but not while we tolerate it.
donut
December 11th, 2003 at 10:12 am
As someone who is actually married, I feel it is my duty to inform everyone that many married people actually pay MORE in taxes than we would if we were single. It’s called the marriage tax, and it’s kind of an unintended consequence - they’re supposed to be getting rid of it, but they haven’t yet.
esther
December 11th, 2003 at 10:32 am
Donut, many married peopple pay more, but the simple majority get a tax cut. Unfortunately, it’s the working poor who get the most marriage penalty. Ultimately though, marriage qualifies you for lower auto insurance and more importantly, health insurance. Here is an interesting article about various aspects of the marriage penalty (including the social security marriage penalty that happens to working married women)
donut
December 11th, 2003 at 1:44 pm
That’s funny, because my boy’s insurance won’t cover me. All these glorious privileges really only apply to rich couples. I still support gay marriage and all, I’m just saying life is not so awesome for straights.
esther
December 11th, 2003 at 2:45 pm
yes Donut, we’re in the same boat, my boyfriend –like many working poor–makes too much (over $750/month gross–but just barely) to qualify for public health insurance, but too little to atually pay $150+/month for an individual premium; but if we married it would cost more for *me* to have health insurance (as they would base it on his age). and Unfortunately, you and he not having health insurance is more a victim of our extremely fucked up state of health insurance in this country –but i have no doubt that you and i will take advantage of one these benefits during our lifetimes (provided I get married of course). Hell, the reason I”m here was because my mother got to stay in this country after marrying my dad.
kim
December 12th, 2003 at 8:53 pm
that’s one reason among many why i could never marry. not because i would feel like i was making an effective protest.. but because if i did marry, i would feel like i was a living hypocrite.