Who’s getting married? WE ARE! Who’s a geek? I AM! Who doesn’t like answering the same questions over and over again? ME! Therefore who makes a retarded engagement FAQ? I DO!

Was there a proposal?
No, there was a collaborative decision.

When’s the wedding?
Most likely August 7th. Needs to be early enough so that folks headed to Burning Man can make it, but late enough so that we can hedge all bets on rain.

Where’s the wedding?
Bainbridge Island.

What will the bride wear?
Maybe something designed by Red Ant.

What will the groom wear?
Cargo pants and a t-shirt? That’s what he usually wears.

Will you take his surname?
No, neither of us agree with that tradition. (Aside: when a kid comes into the picture, a daughter would get my surname, and a son would get his.)

Who will be bridesmaids/groomsmen?
First things first: there’d be bridesmen and groomsgirls. I’ve never understood why the groom can only be supported by his guy friends, and the bride can only have her gaggle of “maids” because GOD KNOWS once you get engaged you certainly can’t have friends of the opposite sex because, like, that clearly means you’re having an affair and don’t love your fiance. Bullshit. One of my closest friends is male, and some of Dre’s dearest friends are female. That said, I don’t think we’re doing the whole bridal wedding party thing, so it’s a non-issue…but I almost wish we WERE just so that I could make a gender-political point.

Will there be hoops involved in the wedding?
A party without hoops? Are you fucking INSANE? Hoops will figure prominently.

Where will you go for the honeymoon?
Current pipedream: our beloved Bandol, France, to work the vendanges at our friend’s winery! Who wants a honeymoon where you lay around and have sex? We’ve done that for six years! Give me sweat in the vinyards. (Plus: free wine in exchange for manual labor! Now that is romance, folks.)

UPDATE FROM AUGUST, 2004
It’s amazing that most of the basic details of our wedding were decided almost immediately, and panned out exactly as first envisioned six months before. If it was all that easy, it musta been right!