Dre and I deliberated for ages before we decided to get engaged. Mostly we were weighing the pros and cons of making our relationship legal. Pros include discounted healthcare, taxes, and the ability to have access to one-another in the hospital. Cons of course were heavily focused on the inequity of marriage when it came to our gay family and friends, although there’s also some residual vague paranoia about things changing once we get married.

A crucial deciding factor for me was imagining myself standing in a hospital lobby. Somewhere, Andreas is injured and in pain. I’m stuck in the lobby unable to get in to see him. Is that a moment I want to politicize? Do I want to hollar at the nurse, “Don’t you understand? We didn’t get married because we don’t believe in the way certain privileges are denied to people who are legally unable to marry!” The nurse would roll her eyes, somewhere Andreas would moan in pain, and I would agonized. I think this makes me selfish.

So we hemmed and hawed and finally decided to do it.

And almost simultaneously, the flood gates have opened on the issue of gay marriage in America. Coincidence? Syncronicity? Happy accident?

As I mentioned last week, my aunt and her partner of over a decade got married in San Francisco. Andreas’ mom and her partner voiced their support for the 30 gay couples who applied for (and were sadly denied) marriage licenses in Iowa City.

Dre and my decision was made independent of this shifting of the cultural tide, but it feels fortuitous…like the whole country is opening up and letting all of us celebrate our commitments. It makes me happy.

And it makes me hope that no one will ever have to stand in a hospital lobby begging to see a loved one.