Welcome to Day 5 of Self Deprecation week. This week, I’m writing all about how much I suck. No, no. Not quite like that. Self-Dep Week is all about acknowledging the flaws that make me (and all of us) the people we are: three dimensional, fucked up, and full of shortcomings. The way I see it, the better you know your flaws (and the more open you are about them) the better those around you are able to navigate those foibles. Doesn’t necessarily make the flaws go away, but at least acknowledging them puts it all on the table: I’m a fuck up. So are you. Let’s go get a beer.

Today’s Suckage: Inertia
I’m so lazy that I didn’t want to write this post about laziness. Well, but it’s not really laziness. I’m not actually lazy. I’m just a study of inertia. A body in motion will tend to stay in motion; a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

Once I get going, I can be a whirlwind of productivity. I’ve built my career on turning around writing projects in lightening time. I can grind through a To Do list like nobody’s business. While I college, I used to manage my time down to 15 minute increments. Study for Soc: 7:15-8:00. Take practice test for Comm: 8:00-8:30. Outline essay for English: 8:30-9:15. My time management skills were part of why I never stayed up all night to cram for finals. When I’m on a roll, I use my time like an efficient machine.

When I’m in a rut, weeks can slip by. I make a list with simple things (1. shower 2. go for walk 3. return phone call) and the list languishes for days. Seriously: I can go 4 or 5 days without showering, and wearing the same clothes. I click around online and watch the hours march by. I don’t go outside. I take multiple naps a day.

Last night I found a To Do list from late May…it included “Clean closet,” “Mail in voter reg. w/ change of address” and “burn CD for friend.” None of those things have been done.

Worst part? When I’m at the “body at rest” end of the spectrum, I get hyper-hypocritical. I get irritable at everyone around me for not getting stuff done, too. “I’M FEELING LAZY — why are you fuckers laying around? Why don’t you DO something for a change? Jesus Christ, you people are aimless procrastinators. Oh hold on: my cell’s cutting out. I forgot to pay the bill.”

I’m all for resting time. I think it’s good to rest. But my own inert apathy makes me want to skin myself alive.

Tomorrow’s Suckage: Liar