So, as the wedding gets closer, I’m realizing that Andreas and I inadvertantly used a consistant theory in planning the event: we looked at the people and places closest to us, and built the wedding from there. We didn’t envision what we want, and then try to find people to make each thing happen — we envisioned who we wanted involved, and let them do what they wanted.

For example, we knew right away that we wanted our friend Erin to cater the vegan dinner. What she cooked almost wasn’t important (we approved the first menu she put together) … what was important to us was that she cook at our wedding. Same with the the jewelry Dori’s making me — I told her what colors I want, and that’s it. It’s her creative vision. What’s most important to me is that SHE make it. Same with our DJs: sure, we’ve requested a first dance, but other than that, we just want our DJs to play the music they like — that’s their gift to us. Same with the decorations for the meadow where we’ll be dancing the night away: as long as The Rinz does something she likes, we’re stoked.

This freed us from micromanaging too much. Oh sure: I still had several back-n-forths with Megan as she designed the invites, and Chaya and I had several beer swilling/design sessions where we sketched and gossiped. And sure: I’ve made a details week-of and day-of schedule, complete with color coding.

BUT! By making our wedding a collaborative, community project (instead of imposing our vision on everyone), I think we’re creating an event that truly reflects what we’re doing … part of this wedding is not only voicing our commitment to each other, but also voicing our commitment as a couple to our community. And, asking for our community’s support in exchange. The process of planning the wedding has been a good embodiment of this value, which feels right to me.

Added bonus: when you let people do what they want, you save money. So, while you’re creating a collaborative community experience, you’re also saving yourself from the poorhouse. How’s THAT for a great wedding present?

So, to every last one of you who have pitched in….THANK YOU! Will you marry us?