Where do you stand on forgiveness? How do you feel towards people who, in your youth, were cruel to you? Let’s say whether it was intentional or unintentional doesn’t matter. Someone was cruel, and ultimately it was a good thing. It helps, right? Thickening your skin, learning how to stand up for yourself or disregard the chattering of monkeys. Ultimately, the cruelty helped make you a stronger person, right? By this logic, such people should be forgiven. They played a role in your life, and it was a good lesson to learn. Everyone needs a thicker skin, right?

I’m thinking specificially here of a boyfriend I had in high school who off-handedly described someone as “thick.”

“What do you mean, ‘thick’?” I asked, thinking maybe he meant thick-headed, or hey, in context of this post, thick skinned.

“You know, thick,” he said. “A little meaty through the middle. Hey: you’re thick. That’s what I mean.” It was then that I realized “thick” was his nice way of saying “not quite fat, but definitely not skinny.” As a muscular but slender 17-year-old, I was understandably mortified. ME? Thick?

Naturally, my significantly thicker current self would like to go back and kick the shit out of the offending boyfriend. “You though I was thick THEN? How about experiencing my THICK FOOT UP YOUR ASS!” I want to go back and protect my younger self from his offhanded insults, and remind her that in a few years he’d be calling us sobbing and begging to come over and perform post-break up sexual favors on us.

It’s remarkable that I can get all hurt and pissy about his comments more than 10 years after the fact. How dare he?, What a prick!, I was so young and delicate!, etc. But he was just a young, dumb teenage boy who didn’t realize that dear god: you don’t say shit like that to your girlfriend. He’s a nice guy now, happily married to a woman who he is incredibly supportive and loving towards. We all grow up.

And ultimately, I emerged from all the petty insults a stronger, better person. Should I not only forgive, but thankful? That seems like a stretch for a begrudging person like myself, but perhaps we do all grow up.