Dooce writes about how hate mail hurts, and I just gotta say: I hear ya, girl.
My site gets a tiny fraction of the visitors that Dooce.com does. And yet every couple months I get a comment or an email from a troll who wants to make me feel like shit. I can only imagine the floods of psychos a high-profile site like Dooce.com must attract.
In most of my experience, trolls’ insults are often so far off base that they don’t sting. One troll was obsessed with how my boyfriend was gay. I giggled through that rash of hateful comments and I couldn’t stop thinking, “I wish my boyfriend was more gay…he’d never wear all those t-shirts and ill-fitting cargo pants if he were.”
Naturally, trolls hit the usual suspects of female insecurity. I’m fat, I’m ugly, etc.
I’ve gotten professional insults (I’m a hack, I’m a “wannabe journalist,” etc). One person tried accusing me of being a plagarizer because I quoted Mimi Smartypants and linked to her website. I’ve gotten lifestyle critique — one person called me a “hippie poser,” which confused me. Am I pretending to be a hippie? Am I actually a hippie, and trying to pretend I’m not? Neither one is correct, but whatever.
Every now and then though a troll will hit a nail on the head. I’d never let them know how, though. I never give trolls the satisfaction the attention. (I had a troll once who kept emailing me terrible insults, and when I didn’t respond, started begging me, “COME ON, FATTY! I JUST KNOW YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.” It was so painfully transparent that it was sad.)
It hurts me to see Heather, who’s publicly written about her struggles with depression, getting attacked for her parenting. And I know that her post about it will only serve to fuel the fire. As one troll said once after I deleted their hateful comment, “I GUESS THE TRUTH HURTS, HUH???”
It’s part of putting yourself out there, I suppose.
But, to all the trolls on the web, I say this: it’s a big Internet out there. Find someone else to bother. Someone like Anne Coulter or Michael Moore or Christopher Hitchens. Someone who lives off of controversy. Not someone like Dooce.
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3 Responses to “Trolls”
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Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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Janece
July 23rd, 2004 at 11:41 pm
I’ve been thinking the same thing. My first impulse was to send more good, happy and encouraging emails to Dooce to try and make up or cancel out the nasty ones. I know it doesn’t work that way - but I wish it did.
I hope Dooce and you both get how much you contribute and make a difference for those of us out in blogdom who keep up with you. Your impact is huge and irreplaceable.
sean
July 24th, 2004 at 6:27 pm
I kind of wrote about this on Backwash recently.
I’ve had to deal with this a lot; first I spent several years writing about wrestling online, which meant I wasn’t exactly attracting the most cultured of audiences, and then when I left I admitted to so much that people can get on me about — being bisexual, being transsexual, being overweight/obese, attempting suicide when I was younger, practicing self-injury until a few years ago. Even though I left the whole wrestling scene over three and a half years ago, I still have people who read me from back then who do everything they can to slam me.
I wish I had better advice to give people, but all I’ve really done these past few years is throw myself into my studies and try to make new friends, both in real-life (at school) and online (like Ariel :D).
chasmyn
July 26th, 2004 at 1:06 am
Well, just to create a little more balance:
I think you are beautiful. You look to me like a young, vibrant woman with a great body. You look like someone who would be a wonderful storyteller with all of your different facial expressions and who would be very engaging. I have enjoyed reading your blog since I began blogging over a year ago and I have kept you on my blogroll the entire time.
Unfortunately there will always be people who are so unhappy with their existance they troll on others’ happiness. I guess they think it is a fun game. People like you and Dooce handle it with grace and style though, and I know how those words can hurt. So I bow to your ability not to sink to the occasion when they do.
Namaste’, Lovely Ariel.
ps - We went to REI and got new hiking boots, tried them our on the Snoquomie Falls rocks today - wonderful! We can’t wait to do a real hike, like on the Peninsula or something. Soon!