Evite.com gets used a lot by my peer group. Coworker get-togethers, cocktail parties, potlucks. Hell: we even used Evite to invite folks to the later evening dance part of our wedding. Evite is useful and well-built with one exception:

It’s mean.

Here’s the thing: I have a lot of email addresses. I don’t blame my friends for getting confused about which one to use when sending me an Evite, but it makes sense for me to only use one email when responding to invitations … that way, all my events are stored together, and I can view them all at once. In an effort to keep guestlists clean, after responding with my “correct” email address, I usually then delete my “wrong” email address from the guestlist. Everything’s ok so far, right?

Then problem is that then stupid Evite makes the situation a big deal by emailing the event organizer letting them know that I’ve removed myself from the guestlist. Why does Evite do this? Most social software (like Friendster and Tribe) doesn’t bother telling you when you’ve been rejected. If you try to add someone as a friend and they decline, the software doesn’t rub it in your face. It just lets declinations happen quietly behind the scenes.

One more than one ocassion I’ve been emailed by friends asking, “Why did you remove yourself from the guestlist? Is it something I said?” No, no, it’s not, I explain: I’m just replying with my Evite email address and keeping your guestlist clean by taking my non-Evite address off the list. But why does Evite insist on rubbing my removal in organizer’s faces? What if I really WAS rejecting these people? Essentially, Evite puts itself in the middle of the situation, just like a bad classmate whispering, “I heard she doesn’t like you anymore.” They might think they’re helping (”I was just conveying information!”) but really they’re just creating needless social drama.