As part of my new job, every Friday I write snarky blurbs about cinematic news for the last week. I’m encouraged to go pretty far out there in the name of humor, so I always err on the side of totally inappropriate and let my fellow writers reign it in.

Snippets cut from this week’s copy:
Pierce Brosnan, who we like to think of as somewhat of an authority on contemporary 007 issues, said this week that he thinks Irish party-boy Colin Farrell would make the perfect James Bond. We can just picture it now: a slurring James Bond popping Ecstasy and making out with Britney Spears. A hero for the new millennium!

The Superman cast rumor mill has been full of grist this week. Jude Law as Zod? Michael Gambon as Jor-El? As long as all the men are wearing bulge-enhancing tights, we’re happy with whoever is chosen. We’re not sure if Zod’s costume would call for tights, but if Jude’s playing him, it should.

Ooh! Sneak peek photo of Lindsay Lohan from the upcoming remake, Herbie: Fully Loaded. We don’t mean to sound lecherous, but the sight of Lohan in a leather racing suit makes us feel pretty Fully Loaded, if you get our drift.

Oh, and in other news, during my phone interview for this job, the two writers asked me what kinds of movies I liked. I answered that I liked documentaries, musicals, blockbuster comedies, and certain kinds of indies, “especially the mind-fuck kind.”

In my head I totally winced and thought, Shit, Ariel: you are not supposed to swear during a phone interview!

While chatting with one of the hiring writers today, he recounted that during my phone interview, just as I was silently cursing myself for my foul mouth, the other writer sent him an instant message at that exact instant saying, “She said fuck!” and the two of them decided then and there that I might be a good fit for the job.

Like I said: I lucked out.