Daily affirmations of a word mercenary
Birthday Weekend!
13May2005 Filed under: JournalishI am embarking on my final weekend as a twentysomething. I’m celebrating by having Dori up from Portland, driving up to Bellingham for a friend’s birthday, hopefully going out to dance to some funky music, and then having a housewarming with a few friends on Sunday. My birthday itself will be filled with meals made by friends and family, and a trip to Olympus Spa to be scrubbed clean. I will be like this cicada!
A few weeks ago I was thinking about the essay I was going to write about how great it is to be done with my 20s because hoo boy! It’s so nice to be so solid in my self-identity, and be really acqainted with who I am. I finally know myself!
Then I realized that I’m actually having an petit mal identity crisis and grasping desperately as some of my twentysomething ways slip away, and that maybe I’m not quite so confidant as I thought I was. I guess there are those who greet their 30th birthday with disappointment, musing about how far they thought they’d be by this age, etc. I feel like I’m having the opposite problem. I’ve accomplished so much — who is this successful adult I’ve become? And does successful mean boring? Who am I if I’d rather go for a walk at 10am than go to a club at 10pm? It’s sort of confusing. Not scary, mind you. Just a little disorienting. I know that certain things that used to be really gratifying aren’t any more. But I haven’t quite figured out what I’m replacing them with just yet.
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7 Responses to “Birthday Weekend!”
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Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, is in bookstores now.
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Joe
May 13th, 2005 at 12:09 pm
Happy Birthday.
I’m 33 and constantly feel like I’m stuck between the age values of my parents generation and the bulk of my friends who haven’t done the time-honored things you’re meant to do by your thirties; have kids, get married, buy a house, go to bed at 10. For me, however, there is one gigantic upside: I’m way less concerned with the way others see me. On the rare weeknight I go to a show, I’m only there to see a band I really like, not just doing the hipster shakedown. Thank god.
helenjane
May 13th, 2005 at 12:44 pm
As one who’s turning 30 in 2 months, I’m suffering this same identity crisis.
What do I want to do now?
Where am I going?
How do I make sure that *I* stay *me* in all the upcoming years?
It’s good to know I’m not the only one.
Matt
May 13th, 2005 at 12:45 pm
30 is cool. The pressure’s off somehow. And the amount of music to like just keeps growing.
Perhaps best, you have more money to buy back the stuff you wanted in your 20s but couldn’t afford but which is still available (again music, usually!)
The hard side is taking on the mantle (or at least the appearance) of responsibility from the previous generation. I say that because mine have started dying, and it’s hard.
heidi wright
May 13th, 2005 at 1:00 pm
you know i was just having this conversation with a friend. i embraced my 30th with very high hopes, as i felt like i was really coming into my own.
coincidentally or not, the universe decided to test this severely shortly thereafter, ultimately this was a good thing.
i am beginning to understand that for me the beauty of my now quickly approaching mid-thirties, is that i spent my twenties figuring out what i didn’t want in my life, my early thirthies strengthening my sense of self (and getting rid of what i didn’t want). i am finding that now, in the best time of my life so far, that i’m finally figuring out what i DO want.
just not so sure what happens after i figure that out. maybe go on vacation?
ken
May 13th, 2005 at 1:56 pm
Time for the pre-30 apeshit tour! (Is it okay to self-link? I always feel cheezy doing that.)
Turning 30 is a great big first step into fully knowing yourself, but if you’re lucky, turning 31 will be the next big step. Then 32, 33, and you get the idea. I just hit 43 and have only recently figured out what I want to be when I grow up.
catina jane
May 13th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
“I know that certain things that used to be really gratifying aren’t any more. But I haven’t quite figured out what I’m replacing them with just yet.”
im 32 and slowly figuring this one out but i was always a slow starter.
“i spent my twenties figuring out what i didn’t want in my life, my early thirthies strengthening my sense of self (and getting rid of what i didn’t want). i am finding that now, in the best time of my life so far, that i’m finally figuring out what i DO want.”
yes!!
David
May 14th, 2005 at 3:04 pm
I think the 30′ s are when you take all those hard learned lessons from the 20’s and do something with them .
I did. Quit career, etc. Figured…well you live once, do I want to wake up having spent 32 years doing something I can only casually be satisfied with .
anyhow. When my home was destroyed in flood this last december, I found I could take it in stride, I DID take it hard, BUT nowhere near how it would have been say- 5 years ago.