For the last five years, I have gravitated towards jobs where I didn’t have to pay attention. Copywriting comes easily for me, and I was happy not having to think much during the 9-to-5 hours. I’d show up, crank out some copy, go to a few client meetings, and crank out some more copy, all without ever really waking up. The really amazing thing is that if my resume is any indication, I excel at writing marketing copy while half-asleep. Employers were happy and most clients were repeat customers; I was good at what I did.

The arrangement worked well for me on other levels, too: I would exist in a half-checked out uncommitted mental state during the day, then go home and have plenty of mental energies for my own writing at night. Make some cash, then go home and do the stuff I care about.

Then along came my current job.

For the first six months I was a contractor, and as such refused to commit too much mental real estate to my work. I did what was necessary, and then clocked out. Then, almost simultaneously, I got signed on permanently and there was a big shift in editorial focus. Now, all of a sudden, I have to pay attention. Now my job demands both mental acuity as well as creative juices. For the first time since I left Lotus Magazine in 2001, I have to actually fully apply myself at work, and it’s a surprising challenge.

I know, right? I’m saying it’s hard to actually pay attention when I’m working. When I make mistakes at work, they’re not skill issues — they’re exclusively ding-bat issues. I’m famous for misspelling Keira Knightley’s name twice (two different ways!) in the same paragraph. I’ve got a reputation for not checking my facts carefully enough (oh, Maryl Streep won the best supporting actress Oscar for Kramer vs. Kramer? Der.). Oh, we’re not using serial commas any more? Shit, I knew that. I think some of this is a side-effect from blogging (also known as “lazy publishing”), but some of it is just habit. For so many years I’ve intentionally worked jobs where I didn’t have to focus, where the writing was so easy for me that I could do it while blindfolded.

Not that writing about movies is hard (I’m currently writing blurbs for a feature called “Summer Hotties”). It’s just that this job matters to me and I enjoy it and I have to actually pay attention to it. Who knew something so simple could be such a challenge?