Last night I went to an all-ages show with guitars involved. This is a rare thing. The band in question was Sound Tribe Sector Nine, which is one of those jam/electonica hybrid bands … and I found myself craving less jam and more thumpa-thumpa all night. I guess my days as a Phishead really are more than a decade behind me, aren’t they?

The show started poorly for me. Within five minutes of the music starting, I got shoved (HARD!) by a security guard for no apparent reason (I was dancing near the back of the crowd near a wall). I turned around and gave him the stink eye, but he was walking away. Two minutes later he came back and shoved me (HARD!!) again. That time I turned around and grabbed his shoulder and shouted, “EXCUSE ME,” but he kept on walking.

I started fuming. Then he came back a third time. It seems his job was just to walk back and forth along the wall shoving people. “Did you need something” he said, not asking.

“Why are you shoving me?” I shouted over the music. “You have to leave this area clear,” he said, which made no sense. The area he wanted clear was, well, clear. He had plenty of room to walk without shoving anyone, but that wouldn’t have been as much fun for him. “If you need me to move,” I shouted, “YOU CAN ASK ME. You do NOT need to shove me.”

“I didn’t shove you,” he said. “I just held up my arm.”

Oh, this was getting worse. This guy was about a foot taller than me, but I stepped up to him, held up a finger and said, “Look, there are a lot of kids here tonight. I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. YOU DO NOT SHOVE ME. Just a little respect, please.” Then he got all icky and was like “Girl, I got a lot of respect for you.” At that point my bullshit dish was full to the overflowing and I just walked away, and headed straight for the side of the room to stay as far away from the asshole as possible.

During the intermission, Dre and I found my 17-year-old cousin who was there with a bunch of Islander kids, right in the front row. As I was talking to my cuz, this kid who was obviously high out of his mind on something came up to Andreas and shook his hand reverently.

“I just gotta say, I love what you guys are doing,” he gushed. Andreas smiled and said he wasn’t sure what the kid was talking about. Turns out the band’s drummer and Andreas share a hairstyle and a similar level of beard scruff. Whups! Poor little high kid was so cute and confused!