Thank you. I’ve never fainted before, so imagine my surprise when one minute I was sitting down feeling a little lightheaded, and the next minute I found my head bouncing off the floor. Two of you picked me up and got me back in my chair, handed me water and asked if I needed a ride home. My husband and friend were at my side within seconds, but I never even saw what you looked like before you disappeared into the crowd. You know, the whole eyes rolling back in the head thing? Not so good for focusing on the kind people who pulled your unconscious body off the floor.

Just to clarify, I wasn’t drunk. I realize that you probably thought I was, but I’d only had one cocktail and while I may be a lightweight, I’m certainly not that much of a lightweight. When you saw me pass out, you probably assumed I was really, really wasted, and thought to yourself “Jesus, it’s barely after 11. Why is this girl so drunk?” It was less of a “drunk pass-out” and more of a Victorian swoon. It’s weird because in all my years of getting really wasted, I’ve never passed out. And then there I was last night, distinctly not wasted and suddenly I’m reduced to a slumped over mess? What a divine irony that my early-20s totally-wasted-but-non-swooning self would have found incredibly amusing. Regardless, thanks for pulling me off the floor. I made it home and am feeling just fine today — although it’s going to take me a bit before I trust my body not to randomly lose consciousness.