Between obsessing over my author photo (I think it’s gonna be this one), mulling over whether or not to get a diamond crown (not doing it because it got too expensive), and my impending eye surgery (a week from today!), it really is officially stupid season.

That said, despite the seasonal dormancy of my intellect, there are a few things I’m chewing over:

• The Salon of Shame is coming up again next week. Wednesday the 12th to be exact. I’m extra excited for this one because my friend Echo is coming, and she’s bringing some deaf friends and a sign language interpreter who’s best known for signing “The Vagina Monologues” here in town. I can’t wait to see the terp sign things like, “And then her hair fell down over her body, like a hairy suit.” (And yes, Hall of Fame Shamer Cienna Madrid will be reading again.)

• My schemes for Offbeatbride.com are starting to take shape. I don’t think the site will launch until this fall sometime, but I’m already seeing articles I wish I could blog about on the as-of-yet unbirthed Offbeat Blog.

• Andreas’ and my lawn care abilities have been called into question. Lawn care is totally foreign to me (I grew up in the woods!) and very low on my priority list. I prefer doing more interesting things like writing books, organizing a reading series, taking dance classes, and, well, there’s not much in the world that’s less interesting to me than fucking lawn care. That said, I have to admit that I really like this twisty weeder thing we got. It’s like cleaning under your nails when you hear the pop of a dandelion root breaking. Oh wait. This totally doesn’t belong on this list. Lawn care is totally stupid. Perfectly in-keeping with the season!