Last night I was shuffling through my boxes of journals trying to find a good reading for tonight’s Salon of Shame. I found some doozies, including my Last Will & Testament from 1990, which ended “Don’t cry for me too much — I don’t want you all to suffer. But don’t forget about me either! I always did like to be the center of attention.” It was funny enough. But then, then I re-found a reading that I’d been avoiding for months. Because this, this piece of writing? It’s kind of too much, even for me.

My senior portraitOh sure: I’m ok reading my rhyming 8th grade insecurity poems and my stories of barfing on dates. It’s fine to read about the boys I was mooning over. But reading a post I wrote on a BBS in 1993 that’s entitled, “How to give a nice blow job”? That’s a little bit much, even for me. Not only is it terribly written, but sex advice from a 17-year-old known for wearing Blossom hats is dubious at best. Plus, the fact that I posted this publicly? Jesus! What was I thinking? (Then again, there are those who would say it was a perfect precursor to Electrolicious, but I’ve learned my lesson: I don’t talk about sex here.)

As I sat there in my basement, reading the posting and cringing at the thought of reading it publicly, I remembered that earlier in the day I’d convinced my father to come to the Salon.

“It’ll be great, dad!” I’d said. “They’re always so much fun! You have to come!”

Shit. I totaly set myself up for this one. I momentarily considered reading the Will & Testament instead of this horrific blow job guide, but then I realized NO! This is what the Salon of Shame is all about! If you don’t cringe when you read it, if you’re not mortified when you think of sharing it with others, then it’s not shameful enough. The public airing of embarrassing writing sets you free! If Dawn could read about losing her virginity to a born-again Christian, then for God’s sake I can read my adolescent guide to fellatio in front of my father! I CAN DO THIS!

PS: If you’re thinking of coming, you better get there when doors open at 7pm. I was already expecting the show to sell out, and that was before we got slogged again.