Last week Salon published an article about Mars Hill, a deeply conservative evangelical church that has taken off in a huge way here in typically-liberal Seattle. Part of how the church has been so successful is that it’s welcoming to hipsters and indie rockers and other non-traditional religious types. I’d heard rumors of the church’s conservatism, but reading the article gave me chills. I had no idea it was so anti-feminist.

Mortified by the article, two girlfriends and I discussed going to check out the church. We wanted to explore how such a conservative church is able to gain such a foothold (5000 people!) in a liberal, egalitarian city like Seattle. Without giving ourselves a chance to chicken out, Ariel (my evil twin), Dawn and I decided we would go this last weekend. To the 7pm Sunday service! No backing out.

Ariel and I dressed demurely, in inadvertently-matching conservative brown skirts and boots. Dawn, meanwhile, decided to celebrate the fact that she spent 15 years as a deeply dedicated born-again Christian, and she pulled out all the stops and wore a black miniskirt, thigh-high black stockings, and black platform boots. It was deliciously scandalous.

As the three of us drove to the church, we each confessed (ha!) to being deeply nervous — scared even. The Salon article profiled a woman who used to manage bands and tour around the world. She’d gone to a Mars Hill sermon, broken down sobbing, and converted immediately afterward. What if something like that happened to us? Should we wear our tinfoil hats? What if we were somehow brainwashed and converted? Was Mars Hill really going to be that seductive?

As we approached the church (which looks like a big club — it’s almost like a warehouse space), we first noticed that the church-goers weren’t as hip as everyone had made them out to be. A lot of them looked pretty normal and all-American — but the crowd was way, way younger than your average church service. We saw a few more tattooed hipster types once inside, but the church was hardly filled with Betty Page-banged mamas and indie rocker helmeted boys.

We walked into the main chapel and — whoa. It felt like a big theater or club. Super stylish lighting hung from the ceiling. A half-dozen enormous flat panel monitors were suspended all over the place. The coloring was impeccably stylish and well-designed. I tried to put my finger one what I was being reminded of … the brushed stainless steel san-serif signs, the matching soap dispensers … what is it? Wait a minute. Holy fuck, the church reminded me of a dotcom! Dare I say, a Godcom? This church, after all, has podcasts and a blogging pastor. It is totally tech-savvy and totally moderne. It felt like Amazon crossed with a nightclub, but with a big stylized cross on the wall.

Eventually, it was time for the show — I’m sorry, service to begin. A band came out and started playing a heavy, indie rockish melody as the lyrics appeared on the big screen monitors. But what was really remarkable to me was the sound system, which had seriously booming bass. This was not a rinky-dink set-up. This was a system to rival most clubs. Weird. Where did all this money come from if the church-goers are all so young?

After some singing about the blood of Christ (complete with lyrics displayed on a blood-splattered background on the overhead monitors), the charismatic 35-year-old leader of the church came out to speak. Evidently, “Pastor Mark” has been teaching The Corinthians for most of the year, and he was down to some of the last lines of the section. The topics addressed in the sermon were: 1. Speaking in tongues 2. Prophesies 3. Women in church. And basically the summary was: 1. Only a one person at a time should speak in tongues, someone should translate, and never more than two or three tonguers total. 2. Prophesies should be made carefully so that nut-jobs don’t make everyone else look stupid. 3. Women shouldn’t speak in church and if they behave poorly their husbands are accountable.

This was where it got deeply weird. The pastor read from the bible, and then explained that it didn’t mean God-fearing women shouldn’t speak — really, the passage only applied to “feminist women with an agenda.” He went on for quite some time about how awful feminism is — it’s not worth recounting, other than the part where he said “Women say they want to be treated like men, but then when we actually treat them like men they cry.” Everyone laughed. It was awful.

He went on to talk about how wives should relate to their husbands. He made some weird allusions to theology and sex, basically saying that if a woman has a question about the bible, she should ask her husband for answers, and husbands: you better know your bible cuz otherwise your wife is going to go elsewhere to get her theological satisfaction from someone else, and you don’t want that! He also mentioned “theological foreplay,” which included talking about the bible in bed with his wife and kissing her on the forehead. It was really bizarre. He briefly mentioned his critics, and said he didn’t have time to argue with them because “I’m too busy loving my wife.”

Dawn and the other Ariel will attest to the fact that I spent most of the service with my mouth literally hanging open. Here, in this deeply stylish club-like room, with its bistro lighting and young, educated parishioners, was a pastor espousing some of the most conservative regressive gender theory I’d ever heard, and everyone was eating it up. Why? Because the packaging is so dang slick and stylish. And Pastor Mark is a great public speaker.

I obviously don’t have much to compare the experience to, having been raised a Buddhist/pagan and grown into an agnostic. So thank goodness for Dawn, who could provide a great perspective on how Mars Hill compares to the many many churches she’s attended. Her summary? The sermon was basically the same old shit, but the church and the packaging was unlike anything she’d ever seen. She also stared down one of the hot young men who was holding the wine for communion. Ha!

Anyway, if perhaps we’d slipped in relatively unnoticed, by the end of the service I’m pretty confident that the people sitting around us knew we were the “feminists with an agenda” that Pastor Mark was warning them about. We couldn’t stop whispering back and forth in astonishment, and Dawn at one point caught me with my hand over my open mouth and a look of total horror on my face. I didn’t feel bad, though — we were just embodying the very thing the church was rallying against, and so it was probably nice for the parishioners to have an example of everything that’s wrong with feminist women right there in front of them.

Afterwards, as the three of us hunkered over Thai food to try to get the taste of Jesus cum off our tongues, we heaved a collective sigh of relief. There was no risk of being sucked in. It was fascinating for me to see — I’m no theologian, but I do love my social-psychology and sociological perspectives. And I related to the psychological drive for structure and community and focus — we all seek those things. But I’m firm in my faith that Mars Hill isn’t hiding the answers. I’ll take my community and focus from the forest dance floors and camping trips and long rambling conversations with loved ones. No tinfoil hat necessary — the pastor’s terrifyingly literal interpretation of the bible was all the deterrence I need. I’m really glad I went, however. I think it’s too easy to just dismiss someone without witnessing what they’re doing first-hand. And I did gain some insight into why Seattleites are flocking to this church. It’s a stylish place with a compelling leader who confidently offers his guidance. If you were young and hungry for some structure and a place to belong, Mars Hill would be deeply, dangerously seductive.

In doing some follow-up research today, I found this blog post by a former Mars Hill devotee. I really appreciated the level-headed and fair discussion of the values of Mars Hill, as well as the critical perspectives on why the writer ultimately left the church. It’s a good reminder that there are plenty of Christians out there who are free-thinking, loving, smart people.

Related links:
Dawn posts her thoughts.
The other Ariel posts her’s.
The SLOG readers weigh in.