I got into a conversation with Dawn the other day about personal flaws. Of course we started with other people, but the discussion quickly turned around to looking at our own weaknesses and shortcomings and the ways that we deal with them.

I’ve written extensively on Electrolicious about my flaws — hell, I once dedicated a whole week to self-deprecation. That said, I’ve become increasingly aware of a technique that I use to deflect actually addressing or working on these flaws. See, if you wear your shortcomings on your sleeve, you buy yourself a little time. It’s not like I don’t know I’m a bossyface or a snob or inconsiderate or hypocritical. I’ll be the first one to tell you allll about it, mostly because it’s an effective defense technique. If you go by a 12-step modality, the first step is admitting you have a problem. The thing is, I infrequently ever go past that first step. Yeah, so I’m bad that way. Sure I am. So what?

Years ago, I watched a friend and her then-boyfriend get into a massive spat as we were leaving a club, with my friend spitefully accusing her boyfriend of flirting with another woman right in front of her and how DARE HE? And WHAT AN ASSHOLE! And HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO HER? Her boyfriend was stunned, but then patiently explain to her that duh, he wasn’t flirting with that woman — not only was he not interested in her and committed to my friend, but the boyfriend of the woman he was supposedly flirting with was sitting right next to him! Even if he was a flirt (which he wasn’t) why in the hell would he flirt with someone in front of both his girlfriend and her boyfriend?

My friend immediately regained lucidity and said, “Oh, gosh. I’m sorry. I just went totally psycho jealous there for a second.” She was right, of course — her behavior was pretty inexcusably psychotic, but the fact that she immediately owned up to it earned her a lot of respect in my book.

… that is, assuming she didn’t go and do the exact same thing the next weekend.

That’s the thing: Once you get over your own defensiveness, it’s really easy and even gratifying to own up to your flaws and dark sides. I’m a whiny attention whore who’s totally selfish and narcissistic and outrageously judgemental. See that? That first step, it’s easy. The harder part is actually becoming less of any of those things.