I got into a conversation with Dawn the other day about personal flaws. Of course we started with other people, but the discussion quickly turned around to looking at our own weaknesses and shortcomings and the ways that we deal with them.
I’ve written extensively on Electrolicious about my flaws — hell, I once dedicated a whole week to self-deprecation. That said, I’ve become increasingly aware of a technique that I use to deflect actually addressing or working on these flaws. See, if you wear your shortcomings on your sleeve, you buy yourself a little time. It’s not like I don’t know I’m a bossyface or a snob or inconsiderate or hypocritical. I’ll be the first one to tell you allll about it, mostly because it’s an effective defense technique. If you go by a 12-step modality, the first step is admitting you have a problem. The thing is, I infrequently ever go past that first step. Yeah, so I’m bad that way. Sure I am. So what?
Years ago, I watched a friend and her then-boyfriend get into a massive spat as we were leaving a club, with my friend spitefully accusing her boyfriend of flirting with another woman right in front of her and how DARE HE? And WHAT AN ASSHOLE! And HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO HER? Her boyfriend was stunned, but then patiently explain to her that duh, he wasn’t flirting with that woman — not only was he not interested in her and committed to my friend, but the boyfriend of the woman he was supposedly flirting with was sitting right next to him! Even if he was a flirt (which he wasn’t) why in the hell would he flirt with someone in front of both his girlfriend and her boyfriend?
My friend immediately regained lucidity and said, “Oh, gosh. I’m sorry. I just went totally psycho jealous there for a second.” She was right, of course — her behavior was pretty inexcusably psychotic, but the fact that she immediately owned up to it earned her a lot of respect in my book.
… that is, assuming she didn’t go and do the exact same thing the next weekend.
That’s the thing: Once you get over your own defensiveness, it’s really easy and even gratifying to own up to your flaws and dark sides. I’m a whiny attention whore who’s totally selfish and narcissistic and outrageously judgemental. See that? That first step, it’s easy. The harder part is actually becoming less of any of those things.
Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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amy.leblanc
September 24th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
much agreed; i feel i’m pretty well aware of most of my personality flaws, and am pronounced about them as well, and also struggle with that horrible feeling associated with recognizing but not doing anything to change.
i know a few people, men and women, who function under this terrible m.o. of “i’m a total asshole; that’s my character; as long as i’m honest and upfront about being an asshole, you can’t angry with me for it. it’s WHO I AM.” i hate that.
byjane
September 24th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
So maybe it’s that for that particular modality, you’re not interested in steps 2-12. I always think that the ultimate in self-knowledge/acceptance/esteem is to say, “yeah, I’m real piggy about that particular thing, but you know, I think I’m fine anyway (think deep thoughts, hear angelic voices)” There are so many 12 steps, one can’t possibly master all of them.
Ariel
September 24th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
Jane, I totally agree — for the most part. Some of my flaws I’m just fine with, and in fact they’ve even become the silver linings of my personality. Blabberface? Great writing skill!
That said, every now and then I have to wonder which flaws actually aren’t serving me at all …
Julie
September 24th, 2006 at 9:29 pm
This is so why electrolicious is on my daily “must read” list! Your outlook refreshes my day at every click. I’ve read your blog forever, but have never commented. We actually have a friend in common(Maggie), so what a small world it is.
Rebecca (jetgrrl)
September 25th, 2006 at 4:47 am
Hi there! jetgrrl01 on LJ here.
This really resonates with me because my company has been making us do lots of classes on leadership and professional development. Of course it’s great that they’re providing us training, but the worst part of it for me is the getting assessments from coworkers on our skills and flaws. I feel I’m very aware of my flaws in the office, but not always aware of how to correct them, especially in the moment of a quick decision or bad meeting. So yeah, it’s definitely much harder to actively try to change things, but it still is good to be aware of it, I think. At least you can’t be blind-sided from somebody telling you that you’re doing that bad thing to them!
rootless
September 25th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
Right on! I’ve owned my procrastination today, now if only i can spend the last few hours of my workday on the report I must finish tomorrow!
Playapixie
September 25th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Girl, you crack me up. Despite all of those things (and perhaps in some ways becomes of them), I love you to bits and pieces.
Lori
September 26th, 2006 at 7:42 am
Totally spot-on. I’ll be the first to tell you all of my flaws… because I’d rather say them out loud myself than hear anyone else say them. Great defense mechanism. And you’re right: Doing something about them? Maybe someday. Yeah, someday.
chase
September 27th, 2006 at 1:28 pm
I, too, am quick to say, “I’m reeeeally [fill in the blank with character flaw of choice.]” But I’ll be damned if I can change that stuff. Then again, it’s part of the total package making me who I am, so does it need changing? (Whole other discussion.)
I can’t will myself to work on character flaws of my own accord. I only improve when I get in trouble for being [fill in the blank with character flaw of choice.] Then suddenly I’m Mr. self-improvement.
JuliaG
September 28th, 2006 at 8:45 am
Wow. Just last night I was joking that sometimes I wish I weren’t so self aware because then I could blissfully go about life without worrying about how to fix my flaws. My way of putting it: better to just be crazy than to know you are crazy.
–Long time lurker (or, Long lost classmate)