Comments on: Cues & words http://electrolicious.com/2007/07/i_have_confirmed_it Daily affirmations of a word mercenary Sat, 30 Aug 2008 06:42:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Ariel v. http://electrolicious.com/2007/07/i_have_confirmed_it#comment-8229 Ariel v. Sat, 21 Jul 2007 16:25:24 +0000 #comment-8229 OMG. I do this. My dear friend Amy does this. And then I sit and wonder why no one seems to want to help me. My technique is to tell my sob story and then have a great solution already boxed up and ready to tack on the end of the story. So I do share my troubles (as we are socialized to do, right, creates bonding?), I just don't give my friends any chance to do anything to help me with them, like offer me a better solution, or offer their assistance with my solution. I don't want to give up my autonomy and my ability to take care of my own shit, but if I'm going to be like this I guess it's also my job to recognize when I need help, and ask for it (like you have done recently). People love, and need, to help one another. I've definitely noticed that with my friend Amy sometimes I feel helpless and sort of neutered in my ability to be a good friend to her, b/c she's so on top of things - and I want so much to be there for her. I think I probably do the same thing to my people. So awesome to recognize this. Ain't growing up fun? :) OMG. I do this. My dear friend Amy does this. And then I sit and wonder why no one seems to want to help me. My technique is to tell my sob story and then have a great solution already boxed up and ready to tack on the end of the story. So I do share my troubles (as we are socialized to do, right, creates bonding?), I just don’t give my friends any chance to do anything to help me with them, like offer me a better solution, or offer their assistance with my solution.

I don’t want to give up my autonomy and my ability to take care of my own shit, but if I’m going to be like this I guess it’s also my job to recognize when I need help, and ask for it (like you have done recently). People love, and need, to help one another. I’ve definitely noticed that with my friend Amy sometimes I feel helpless and sort of neutered in my ability to be a good friend to her, b/c she’s so on top of things - and I want so much to be there for her. I think I probably do the same thing to my people.

So awesome to recognize this. Ain’t growing up fun? :)

]]> By: helenjane http://electrolicious.com/2007/07/i_have_confirmed_it#comment-8230 helenjane Fri, 20 Jul 2007 22:42:58 +0000 #comment-8230 Hello, let's have some tea together and be really, really sad for a while. And then we don't have to worry about bumming those other folks out. After this morning's surprise tears, I realized, this is not going the way I expected. Hello, let’s have some tea together and be really, really sad for a while. And then we don’t have to worry about bumming those other folks out.

After this morning’s surprise tears, I realized, this is not going the way I expected.

]]> By: Vera http://electrolicious.com/2007/07/i_have_confirmed_it#comment-8231 Vera Fri, 20 Jul 2007 20:05:01 +0000 #comment-8231 Ariel, the question I would ask myself is this: "What do I think will happen if I show weakness or even, gasp, admit failure?" The answers might be stuff like "I'm afraid that/I expect that: -People will lose respect for me. -People won't love me as much. -People will judge me. -People will think I'm not fun. -I don't like myself when I'm not fun." But the real question is: Can you be absolutely sure that those answers are true? Ariel, the question I would ask myself is this:
“What do I think will happen if I show weakness or even, gasp, admit failure?”

The answers might be stuff like

“I’m afraid that/I expect that:
-People will lose respect for me.
-People won’t love me as much.
-People will judge me.
-People will think I’m not fun.
-I don’t like myself when I’m not fun.”

But the real question is: Can you be absolutely sure that those answers are true?

]]> By: Tonya http://electrolicious.com/2007/07/i_have_confirmed_it#comment-8228 Tonya Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:54:46 +0000 #comment-8228 I've never possessed the ability to wallow in sadness in the comfort of people. One of my friends will cry to anyone who will listen when she has a problem and people put a lot of energy into comforting her. Sometimes, I'm a bit envious. Why can't I let it all out? Why can't I admit that it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on? The answer is I don't know how. I know how to listen and let people unload on me. I know how to fill the silence with superficial banter to avoid awkwardness for anyone else. I think I kinda know how ya feel. I majored in psych so I have neat defense mechanisms and I rely heavily on strategic misdirection. Both you and I know that it would take a long time to change such behaviors. I used to think bravery was putting on a tough face and never shedding tears or showing weakness and emotion. Now, I think it's nothing more than cowardness. True bravery is being honest with yourself and letting people see your feelings, thoughts, and emotions with absolutley no shielding. I really hope you tend to yourself and allow others to tend to you. If you figure out how, fill us in. I’ve never possessed the ability to wallow in sadness in the comfort of people. One of my friends will cry to anyone who will listen when she has a problem and people put a lot of energy into comforting her. Sometimes, I’m a bit envious. Why can’t I let it all out? Why can’t I admit that it would be nice to have a shoulder to cry on? The answer is I don’t know how. I know how to listen and let people unload on me. I know how to fill the silence with superficial banter to avoid awkwardness for anyone else. I think I kinda know how ya feel. I majored in psych so I have neat defense mechanisms and I rely heavily on strategic misdirection. Both you and I know that it would take a long time to change such behaviors. I used to think bravery was putting on a tough face and never shedding tears or showing weakness and emotion. Now, I think it’s nothing more than cowardness. True bravery is being honest with yourself and letting people see your feelings, thoughts, and emotions with absolutley no shielding. I really hope you tend to yourself and allow others to tend to you. If you figure out how, fill us in.

]]> By: chasmyn http://electrolicious.com/2007/07/i_have_confirmed_it#comment-8227 chasmyn Fri, 20 Jul 2007 04:47:05 +0000 #comment-8227 ((HUG)) I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I really do hope that you ARE feeling better. ((HUG)) I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. I really do hope that you ARE feeling better.

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