———- Forwarded message ———-
From: [Name]
Date: Dec 18, 2007 1:30 PM
Subject: I appreciated your honesty

In fact, it was probably the first thing I REALLY appreciated about you. Not to say that I don’t think you’re great, or that I can’t see why other people like you. But I’ve never actually liked you either. Also, not disliked you but never enjoyed being around you.

The conversation was an attempt for me to clarify our relationship, because I *usually* like people and they *usually* like me. So this has been an anomaly that I needed clarification on. So if I “wanted” anything from you it was your help in understanding this.

From my perspective the exchange went like this:

ME: “I feel like we’re not friends because of [name]. Is that true?”

YOU: “No, I just can’t like everyone.”

ME: “Ah, that makes sense.”

That really clicked for me. I felt the same way, but had always held the belief that I COULD (or SHOULD) like everyone. So at that moment I realized you were right and appreciated your honesty because it helped me to understand myself a little better, as well as clarifying our relationship (or in this case) lack thereof.

I was a little (or a lot) drunk so I added “Cool, so the reason we don’t hang out is because you don’t like me?” Not because I cared but because I thought it was funny.

You then continued to explain “I don’t DIS-like you. I’m not like, oh there’s [name] - arg! I just don’t have time to hang out with everyone. I’m not close with [girl's name] either.”

ME: “Cool. That makes sense. Thanks for explaining. Take care.”

I actually felt really good about the whole thing. Both because of the clarity with which you expressed the sentiment, as this helped me become more clear and because it validated feelings that I already held. So don’t feel bad about it - I certainly don’t. In fact, thank you for being honest with me. I hope you appreciate my honesty in return!

I would have posted this as a comment but it wasn’t an available option. Maybe you want to do that maybe you don’t. But in the vein of “why lie?” you might consider “why not commit to full and accurate disclosure?” I realize that your recounting of the event was probably accurate from your point of view given your own projections of my intentions and emotional response to what you thought was probably a blow to me. But now that I’ve had a chance to clarify *for you* my side of the exchange you can decide what to do with this information…

Either way, I wish you the best and look forward to running into you in some social situation where we can wink from across the room and know that we just don’t like each other . . . and that it’s totally cool.

Sincerely,
[Name]