Daily affirmations of a word mercenary

I told the owner that I was a journalist (ha!) who used to play on the property as a child, and would it be ok if I took some photos? She agreed and started showing me around.
It was still generally the same — a house surrounded by grassy farmland. But in the dream I was really focused on getting to the back of the property, where I remembered a forest with a stream winding through it. I loved that stream.
The woman walked me back to where the forest had been, but of course it had all been clear cut. And the stream was now a fast moving, muddy river lined by houses and packed with people. (Including a man with Ectrodactyly, but that’s just requisite dreamworld weirdness.)
I knew the land was different, but I just hadn’t been expecting that much. How does a little Bainbridge Island stream become this huge active river?
I woke up motivated. It’s been years since I thought about that property, and I could only remember being there once since the family friends moved away in the late ’80s. (Trivia: the bus that was my high school bedroom belonged to Kate’s family, and started its life on their property.)
I did a quick inventory of my Saturday. With Dre out of town, I didn’t have a single plan. What was I going to do — sit around working on offbeatbride.com while mostly just fucking around online? Walk to Volunteer Park for the second day in a row? Harass my friends again with pleas of “I’m roneree…”? Instead, I would go to Bainbridge and photograph that land. I would document it.
I called my mother to see if I could lump in a visit with her, and asked on a whim if there had been any development on the property.
“No,” she said. “In fact, it’s totally grown over and abandoned.” Awesome, I thought to myself.
Despite the unseasonably cold weather (Junuary, everyone’s calling it), the northwest is in full on frontal GREEN mode right now. The intense green of late spring is the trade off for all the gray, so even if I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from my outing, I knew I’d at least get in a solid dose of super lush insane green. And a creek. I love creeks!
Since the whole idea was a whim with low or no expectations, it didn’t seem right to bring anyone with me. “Come with me to this place I haven’t been in forever to see stuff that I’m not even sure is still there!” So it was just me and Sassafras on the 1:10 ferry to Bainbridge Island, mulling over my destination.
Here were the facts, at least as much as I could remember: My friend Kate’s mother and step-father lived there from the late ’70s to the late ’80s. The land was semi-abandoned when they’d found it, with the decrepit farmhouse falling apart even 30 years ago. I think they rented the property for some ridiculously low amount (like, $100 maybe?), but the landlord was never present and it always felt like they were sort of squatting. The family lived in their refurbished school bus they’d parked on the land, but as the family of four became a family of five and then six, they started doing what they could to utilized the dilapidated farmhouse.
The house was tucked into a circle of aging trees — a couple oaks (I think?) and lots of plants that you could tell used to be fancy, but were so overgrown that who knows what they used to be. There was this awesome area overgrown with crazy vines that felt like a little igloo made of plants, and some rose bushes buried inside a blackberry thicket.
The farmhouse had been in the middle of perhaps five or six acres of farmland, long since gone to tall grass and deeply rutted. Past the field, there had been the forest with the stream winding through it.
The forest floor had been relatively clear from undergrowth, and I remember spending a lot of time in the dirt at the edge of the streams. Kate’s mom was a practitioner of the “do whatever you want, kids” school of parenting — the kind who made even my “benign neglect” mother look like a hover mommy. I have vivid memories of entire summer days spent by the stream acting out elaborate forest fantasy games with Kate and her big sister Kristan (who I think spent the bulk of her adolescence stuck babysitting us).

I found the property just as my mother had described: deeply overgrown and nature-gated by an 7 feet tall wall of blackberries. The neighborhood deer clearly come and go frequently, however, so it was easy to find a deer path through the brambles.

I started my tour at the house — it was really, really falling apart, although the wooden boat Kate’s stepfather had supposedly been rehabilitating in the ’80s was still parked out front. The house clearly spent a few years as a party destination for Island kids, but even the party detritus was crumbling. I found a local newspaper on the kitchen counter that read, “The Bainbridge Review Congratulations the Class of 1994.” That was the year after I graduated high school, meaning all the kids who partied in that house are in their 30s now.
The house didn’t feel especially safe to wander around in — I was reminded of that one time I explored a half-burnt down house in my neighborhood; that one time when I fell 8 feet as the second story floor collapsed beneath me. Granted I was 13 and being dumb, but that shit was scary and I wasn’t interested in a repeat fall 20 years later.
I walked my way through the fields surrounding the house. I found an abandoned claw foot bathtub, some rusted machinery. There was a five gallon bucket in the grass that held a tragic surprise: three drowned field mice, bloated and floating in the rainwater that had killed them. I dumped out the death trap and left it upside down in the grass.
As in my dream, I was focused on finding my way back to forest and the stream. Sassafras kept up as best as she could, bounding through the grass that was up to my knees. The edge of the forest was walled off by another huge thicket of blackberries, but I saw a deer as I approached and followed its path back into the woods.

And there I was: right in my dream! Except for that the creek had not become a river. Instead, through the lens of my adult eyes, I could see it for what it had always been: an ideal salmon spawning creek. Gravelly bottom! Protected edges! Shallow water. This, people, is totally where the Salmon come to die.
I also noticed the old growth stumps that I hadn’t remembered from childhood. But mostly it was pretty close to my memories from the early ’80s. There were definitely some Bridge to Terabithia moments while crossing the creek on moss covered fallen trees. Also, of course the forest wasn’t as deep and mysterious as I’d recalled — I could hear cars passing on High School Road just through the trees. Mostly, it just made me happy to see through my 30-something eyes that I’d spent so much of my childhood in such a lovely place. And that the lovely place was still there!

Exiting the forests, I looped through the field again, back towards the farmhouse. I poked around a bit until I found the viney igloo. Sassafras immediately headed for the dark enclosed area under the vines, but I could barely barely crouch-crawl my way in. I spent some time hunkered in the dark, loving the enclosed-ness of it. As a kid, it was totally like the most awesome nature fort EVAR — although then as now, the soil underneath was pretty wet. And then, as now, there was a bit of mystery to the whole thing. What the fuck was the story here? When was the house first abandoned? Were these vines supposed to grow like this? Who used to live here? Who owned the property?

I headed back toward the car to get some water and scared the hell out of an adolescent deer — it bolted through the bushes, sending scotch broom petals exploding behind it.

Sassafras made it clear she was happy to rest in the car, so I figured I’d leave her while I went back and did a couple self-portraits. I’ve been taking so many pictures of other people lately … so why not take my turn? Plus, I have this new awesome ruffled puffy-sleeved nightgown thing that practically has the words “I WAS DESIGNED FOR RUNNING THROUGH A MYSTERIOUS FALLOW FIELD” across the front.
Snap snap snap went the camera as I did various silly things that would hopefully prove worth it in context. Then I packed up my stuff and left.

As I drove the mile to my mother’s house for dinner, I considered. On a pragmatic level, nothing profound had happened. I hadn’t found any latent memories to startle me into some kind of epiphany. I mean, I was glad I documented the property. I have NO IDEA how roughly a million dollars worth of prime Bainbridge Island real estate is being allowed to sit there totally abandoned and fallow, but it can’t stay that way forever. …But there was no singular special realization or magical experience. I didn’t find a pot of gold.
But wait. Then again, the sensation of following a dream was pretty remarkable. I mean, how often do you get to wake up and humor your subconscious chewings? My dreams aren’t usually re-enactable … I mean, the last really vivid dream I had was about making out with John Krasinski, and the bulk of my dreams involve sitting on the Bainbridge/Seattle ferry, riding back and forth. (Not even kidding: my subconscious loves the Washington State Ferries!)
But a beautiful afternoon spent outside in a mysterious place is a kind of magic. That has a profundity all its own, right?
And the fact that I have this story to tell, of waking up and doing exactly what I’d dreamed. That’s another kind of profound. I didn’t dream telling this story, but the dream led me to the place where there was a story to tell.
I’ll take my magic where I can get it.

Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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Buster McLeod
June 8th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Beautiful story! And pictures!
amy.leblanc
June 8th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
i think what you dreamed and the reality that emerged from it were entirely magical for all the reasons you mention, and then some (with a bit of an alice in wonderland feel to it, esp with the dress!), and i think this is my favorite post of yours ever in all the years i’ve been reading. it’s a side of you i can deeply connect to. i often dream of the woods and streams where i grew up, and whenever i have a chance i go back there and wander the fields, hoping it never gets bulldozed into a subdivision, so this almost made me cry. i’m so glad you did this, and also - kudos on the amazing photos. that last one is perfect.
amy.leblanc
June 8th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
p.s. i was looking at the sacred groves website the other day and was thinking about taking a silent retreat there. this pretty much sealed the deal. don’t know when…but yes. i would love to visit this lush green place.
Vera
June 8th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
It’s also really profound that you were led to this amazing photo set of yours! Were the pictures of yourself taken with a tripod?
Ariel
June 8th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Vera: all photos were taken by me, the self-portraits with a tripod and ye olde self-timer. It definitely felt silly (”Now I’m going to hop around in my nightie!”) but the results feel worth it.
Jodi
June 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
This made my day, Ariel. Thank you so much for sharing.
ginevra
June 8th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
i can definitely see the magic in this. lovely to get out of the city and be in all that green.
Sara
June 8th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
One of the best posts! Very cool.
yelahneb
June 8th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
fantastic! i kept reminding myself while reading your story that you were talking about your actual day and not the dream - the telling of the moments and places all have a mystical quality to them. your day was well spent - the dream engine is a favorite catalyst of mine as well. and your pics are amazing!
Desktop Wallpapers » Blog Archive » I had a dream about this
June 8th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
[...] Update The explanation: electrolicious.com/2008/06/dreams [...]
Esther
June 8th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I’m pretty sure this is your most awesome post, ever.
lucy
June 8th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Beautiful.
Catrina
June 8th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
It’s magical realism in real life!
cienna
June 8th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
That was such a fun read; it made me yearn for grass stains. (Dog walk date soon?)
Brad
June 8th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
I’ve never commented on your journal before but have been reading it for a couple years. This post compelled me to comment. I usually find your posts entertaining, but this one……wow. It’s beautiful. I hope you write in this style more often!
Goddess Leonie
June 9th, 2008 at 12:49 am
this is the best story ever.
thank you
mykie
June 9th, 2008 at 5:38 am
amazing! those poor mice! you’re so creative, ariel! thanks for sharing!
kirsten
June 9th, 2008 at 6:29 am
I love this. A lot.
angie
June 9th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
i love the story and the photos are amazing.
Spandrel Studios
June 9th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
The plantlife is reason enough to visit - what gorgeous ferns! And I especially love the shot of you surrounded by vines, with the red scarf. Very nice!
RB
June 9th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
A viney igloo is a wigwam
Serene
June 9th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
The lyrical writing and beautiful images make me thirst for an adventure. Thanks!
tia
June 10th, 2008 at 6:05 am
I can smell the blackberry crisp now! Wafting out of the old windows…Katherine showing us her ballerina toe shoes as I worried about her falling through the floor into the living room (they were so pointy and she was hopping!) And running around the back woods slaying ferns with sticks as if we were pirates…the list goes on an on…
Airs…thank you so so so much for this post! I have some tears of nostalgia in my eyes…happiness of course! Happy that the land has been left to grow wild…as it should be.
I will write soon when our internet is back up…we moved and the french technician has taken two weeks to get to us…
Bises…T
Theresa
June 10th, 2008 at 6:17 am
This post, how I love thee! Let me count the ways…
The pic outside the cut looks like a modern Lady of Shalott, so pretty!
marion
June 10th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
you’ve really stepped up your photography a few notches lately… Amazing work going on missy!
CoralAmber
June 12th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Wow, it’s so much like where I played as a kid. I’m so envious. Those photos have so much character and I can’t believe you caught that deer in action. So beautiful!! What kind of camera do you use? (I have a shaky hand so I use digital myself)
kim
June 12th, 2008 at 8:24 am
This post is wonderful and inspiring. And, the bathtub picture is perfect! It kind of reminds me of something Ellen Von Unwerth would do. It is perfect I tell you! How high was your tripod?
schmutzie
June 13th, 2008 at 8:29 am
You are being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/.....on-10.html
rilla
June 13th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I found this post via Five Star Friday and felt compelled to add a big *wow*. I love the photos, the story, the reminiscing and nostalgia. Beautiful post.
dori
June 13th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
how did you take all those (awesome) photographs of yourself?
~.dirty and smiling.~
June 14th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
[...] ariel has written a most beautiful post about following a dream - literally - that just made me feel all sorts of things - melancholy, joy, regret, sadness, a deep yearning for the fields and woods of my youth, an alice-in-wonderland sort of confusion about what is real and what is not and how we create these lives we live in. as i said in the comments, i often dream of the woods and streams where i grew up, and whenever i have a chance i go back there and wander the fields, hoping it never gets bulldozed into a subdivision, so this almost made me cry. it’s so much a thing that i would do and dream of doing, and she captured it beautifully. posted by amy.leblanc on Jun 08, 08 in dreams June 06, 2008 lost coast photos [...]
Kell
June 15th, 2008 at 10:27 am
What a beautiful story, the photos are breathtaking and capture what you were feeling and trying to convey perfectly. With the bangs you even look like a little girl again!
Really, really, lovely photos.
Rebecca
June 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I found you through the 6/10 Five Star Friday. What a lovely post.
sa
June 24th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Lovely, lovely day…beautiful pictures…I miss home…but am ever so glad to see others express nostalgia about their previous woods and forests too…
I love the magic you photos portray…
Diana
June 27th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I’m a friend of Kate. So enjoyed your musings and portraiture!
Leila Anasazi
July 1st, 2008 at 7:30 am
That you followed your dream is inspiring. That your sleeptime dream had nightmare qualities, but the waketime rendition was bucolic, idyllic–is so encouraging somehow.
(I want a tripod!)
Mario
July 17th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Love your work. Love everything about it. I’m going to blog your page!