I’ve adored Seth Rogen since I watched Freaks & Geeks on DVD in 2003, but Pineapple Express marks the end of my time with him, methinks. I went into the flick wanting a good stoner comedy, with lots of the witty, foul-mouthed banter that Rogen’s shown off in the past. Instead, I got a violent, dumb comedy/action flick that wasn’t very funny. I guess watching characters get repeatedly hit in the head by ash trays, fire extinguishers, bathroom sinks, dust busters, etc just doesn’t do it for me.

And Seth Rogen as a stoner with machine guns? What the fuck. I want Seth Rogen sitting on a couch, smoking weed, saying funny stuff. I don’t want him pulling triggers and yelling all the time, which is most of the second half of this movie. YELL! SHOOT! YELL! SHOOT! Call pretty blonde girlfriend who doesn’t even seem to have a name! YELL! BLOW STUFF UP! When Jonah Hill played the Seth Rogen character in Rogen’s “Superbad,” all he did was yell, too … but at least he wasn’t pretending to be an action star.

I like stupid stoner comedies (Super Troopers! Harold & Kumar!) but Rogen’s stoner comedies seem to be sliding toward the louder and physical as their budgets get bigger. MORE SPLODING! MORE YELLING! Less actual funny dialogue. I mean, the best line in this movie was tossed off by a bit player: “Time to suck today’s dick.”

That said, James Franco was awesome. The Guatemala pants he wore through the entire film were a perfect touch.

But Seth Rogen? Despite your Pacific Northwesty-ness, your stoner-ness, your used-to-be-funny-ness, you’ve lost me. Y’all can keep the Green Hornet.