Daily affirmations of a word mercenary
When we descended into the subway in Brooklyn, I didn’t have to pee at all. But we’d been drinking black tea all morning with Megan, squinting into the low angled sun, and by the time we were switching trains in midtown, I definitely needed to pee.
No problem: we were only one stop away from where we were going, and I could find a coffee shop or something.
The subway slid out of the station at a snail’s pace. I started rocking in my seat a little. Then, just a couple hundred feet into the tunnel, the train stopped.
My rocking ceased. A few moments passed before an announcement came over the loudspeaker: “Ladies and gentlemen, there is a police invstigation underway at the 59th street stop. We appreciate your patience.”
Police investigation? What the fuck?
The minutes passed. Andreas and Megan signed impatiently and chatted. I sat engulfed by discomfort. My whole world was throbbing with urinary misery. I finally couldn’t keep it to myself any more and turned to Dre and Megan and made my own announcement: “You guys, I’m in hell. No, seriously: I have a pretty extreme situation going on here.” Both Andreas and Megan had a moment of recognition as to the gravity of my mindframe.
We waited. Another announcement came, letting us know that the investigation was still underway — please have patience! I started to lose it. An investigation could take a long time! Are we talking bodies? Bombs? We could be stuck in this train car forever! AND I HAD TO PEE SO BAD! It was like a bad action movie, and I was the innocent bystander. The train of stranded people to be rescued, and I was about to wet myself.
I started freaking out a little. I eyed both ends of the train car for escape routes. Maybe I could pee between the cars? My body throbbed a little bit more. I started feeling swoony from the pressure. Agony, really.
As the minutes ticked by (minute 5, minute 10, minute 15), I hatched a new plan. I would politely ask to use someone’s plastic shopping bag. Then I would shuffle to the end of the train car and apologetically explain that I was going to pee in a bag now, and would they mind changing seats? Then I would piss into a plastic shopping bag, tie it off, and sit there with it. The New Yorkers would be unflapped, but disgusted.
I WAS IN HELL.
The train started moving a little. Everyone sighed in relief, and my bladder tension eased a half notch. Then the train ground to a stop again.
At this point, I tried a different technique. Bladder, I said, you are going to reabsorb that liquid. Pretend you’re very thirsty, or you’ve been drinking a lot. Just reappropriate the liquid. USE THE LIQUID FOR GODSAKE. Every ounce of my attention was focused on not peeing my pants. Muscles quivered. Liquid was reaborbed into my body.
Unbeknownst to me, Andreas was fiddling with his scarf, preparing to offer it as a diaper.
The train started moving again and kept moving. We disembarked, found a coffee shop, and I peed for perhaps 3 minutes non-stop. Well, but first I had to wait in line for 5 minutes or so. I think my reabsorption meditation worked, because I was ok to keep it together. Maybe just being on the train with no end in sight that made me almost have a urinary anxiety attack.
I’m ok now.
A personal note to the many people who have emailed me about this post: I’m not really interested in answering your questions or talking further about my experience on the subway. Nor do I want to hear stories from fake co-eds about that one time they peed their pants. I’m fully aware that this post has been linked by so-called “watersports” enthusiast websites, and while I don’t have a problem with that, I have limited patience for feeding additional information to tittilated readers. Your fetishes are just fine with me, but don’t be greedy: enjoy this story for what it is, and don’t ask for seconds. Thanks.
Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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Sarah
February 13th, 2005 at 5:18 pm
Have you EVER been so thankful to find a bathroom? Damn girl - excellent writing! I felt your pain and now must excuse myself to go pee.
How is NYC? Hope you are having an amazing trip!
dr. dave
February 13th, 2005 at 6:51 pm
Jeez…
Any reader who does NOT have to pee after reading that entry has a bladder of steel.
(off the dr. goes…)
b
February 13th, 2005 at 9:27 pm
“Unbeknownst to me, Andreas was fiddling with his scarf, preparing to offer it as a diaper.”
you definitely married the right man.
paisley jane
February 13th, 2005 at 9:41 pm
i 2nd what b said
good man!
Katherine
February 14th, 2005 at 5:22 am
oh my god - that was so funny
- especially the shopping bag and meditation parts - why, you have become one of those adept yogis who can manipulate their body systems. Wow 
brittney
February 14th, 2005 at 6:05 am
“You guys: I’m in hell.” made me laugh out loud.
This is particularly painful for me to read because the other day I had a whole bunch of hummus for lunch then got stuck in my car on a closed intersate highway due to a terrible accident.
Yeah. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
leblanc
February 14th, 2005 at 11:25 am
oh, i have so been there. it is so excruciatingly painful and wicked. i have actually started to cry before it hurt so bad and no bathroom could be found. however, i never contemplated asking for someone’s plastic bag though…. but you did an excellent job of mind over matter, i must say.
joel
February 14th, 2005 at 12:59 pm
marvelously written and dripping with angst. perhaps dripping is the wrong word.
Sharyn
February 17th, 2005 at 7:55 pm
I was alternately chuckling and horrified (a horror borne of empathy) by your exquisite description of the urinary anxiety attack. As much as I adore NYC, it’s weird having to build an extra layer of planning into my visits…just to ensure certain necessities are taken care of. I don’t know how the folks with small children do it.
Bob
May 3rd, 2005 at 6:07 am
As a bus driver I can empathise with you! It’s not that easy to pee if you are in control of the bus.I have never pissed in my pants, but have come close a couple of times!!!
Electrolicious» Blog Archive » Writing FAQ: Blogging & Privacy
October 25th, 2007 at 7:49 am
[...] fine. Just keep your hate to yourself. It’s sorta like the pee fetishists who got super into this post and sent me emails begging for more details. You can have whatever emotional response you want to [...]