Daily affirmations of a word mercenary
Eavesdropper Category
I once went to a deaf night at a Seattle bar. The place was packed with people, but almost completely silent, save for outbursts of laughter. It was a great time to look around at an increasingly-drunk crowd, all signing and drinking and laughing. Then I thought of something, and turned to my friend Echo.
Me: Echo, as a hearing person, if I want to eavesdrop on someone, I have to be pretty close to them to overhear their conversation. And in a bar, I have to be right next to someone to hear them over the noise.
Echo: And?
Me: But, with sign language, you can eavesdrop on someone all the way across the room, can’t you?
Echo: …Except for that would be rude, Ariel.
Echo may be disappointed by this category, but I just eavesdrop on myself.
I love me!
23
Feb
2006
In: Eavesdropper
I was editing some copy at work, and came across a headline I liked a lot. It was a little breath of fresh air in mostly dry copy. It was great! I felt the need to compliment the product manager:
Ariel: “Start your engines” NICE!
ethan: your capacity for self-praise is truly awe inspiring
Ariel: I didn’t write that!
…er, did I?
ethan: what?
yeah, you did!
that’s awesome!
Ariel: I have been known to do this before.
ethan: you just praised someone else - but it was you!
it’s perfect!
Ariel: It’s so embarrassing.
ethan: it’s like seeing someone and saying, you are HOT! then realizing it’s a mirror
Ariel: I have totally done this before,
and it’s embarrassing every time.
THIS IS BRILLIANT!
oh, wait a minute.
ethan: 
Ariel: My capacity for amusing myself is trumped only by my shoddy memory,
causing me to be further amused by myself.
ethan: a perfect combination
Andreas has been known to laugh heartily at my jokes, not because the joke was funny … but because I can’t stop laughing at it myself, which is then meta-amusing. Clearly, my new coworkers are getting used to this echo-chamber of self-obsession as well.
Overheard at the movie theater
19
Nov
2005
In: Eavesdropper
Last night Dre and I went to go see the new Harry Potter movie. I really enjoyed it, and I agree with critics who have said that it manages to be both the funniest AND the darkest of the series. I was actually sort of suprised to see how many parents brought their very young kids. I would have thought the movie to be too scary for 7 year olds, and MPAA seems to agree, what with the PG-13 rating. As Slate says, “I stood my ground and left my 7-year-old (who devoured the book) at home. Weak-willed parents of similarly aged children should prepare for night sweats and bed-wetting. It’s scary, kids.” But whatever: the kids ate it up, and so did the teenagers and adults.
By far the funniest moment to me was a scene where little Daniel Radcliffe takes off his shirt to get in a bath, revealing a decently toned back and arms. There was this immediate ripple of spontaneous squeals and gasps from the teenaged girls in the audience. Now, don’t get me wrong: clearly Danny had been working out a bit in preparation for the scene, but he’s still a very pale, very scrawny little guy. But don’t tell that to the 15 year old girls in the audience! It was hilarious.
Also overheard, during the Superman trailer: “If he’s so super, why is he still flying around in his underwear?”
Best misheard lyric
1
Oct
2005
In: Eavesdropper
D: Did he just sing, “I’m a fistula, a walking talking fistula?”
A: Uh, no it’s question mark, a walking talking question mark.
Best spousal IM ever:
15
Sep
2005
In: Eavesdropper
Ariel Meadow: When/where’s your game tonight?
Dre @ Work: 8:30 in West Seattle
Ariel Meadow: Going out drinking afta?
Dre @ Work: Don’t know, why?
Ariel Meadow: Eh, just trying to get a feel for how
much time I have to beat the gimp boy in the basement
without you walking in on me.
Dre @ Work: Take your time, my love
Dre @ Work: I want you to be happy
Work Conversations
2
May
2005
In: Eavesdropper
Patrick: My Germanness shines through — I love heavy, eggy, cheesy, potatoy foods.
Ariel: potatoy: methinks you should trademark that.
Ariel: Mr. Potatohead’s erotic fiction nom de pleum.
Patrick: Cheap Potatohead knockoff
Ariel: Sorry, honey. we couldn’t afford the plastic potato. Here’s a potato with some pipe cleaners. We call it “potatoy.”
Patrick: The real potatoy: a glass of water. Get it? Potable + toy = potatoy? Sigh. I’m such a nerd.
Ariel: Wow. You totally won the semantic smack down on that one.
Caught in the act
3
Apr
2005
In: Eavesdropper
Saturday morning cell phone conversation with Sarahbella:
A: Hello!
S: Why hello, little miss grown up! What are you doing?
A: Um, standing in line for a green cone compost bin.
S: …
A: ….
S: Wow, you really are little miss grown up.
A: Er.
Echo: And?
Me: But, with sign language, you can eavesdrop on someone all the way across the room, can’t you?
Echo: …Except for that would be rude, Ariel.
I love me!
23 Feb 2006 In: EavesdropperI was editing some copy at work, and came across a headline I liked a lot. It was a little breath of fresh air in mostly dry copy. It was great! I felt the need to compliment the product manager:
Ariel: “Start your engines” NICE!
ethan: your capacity for self-praise is truly awe inspiring
Ariel: I didn’t write that!
…er, did I?
ethan: what?
yeah, you did!
that’s awesome!
Ariel: I have been known to do this before.
ethan: you just praised someone else - but it was you!
it’s perfect!
Ariel: It’s so embarrassing.
ethan: it’s like seeing someone and saying, you are HOT! then realizing it’s a mirror
Ariel: I have totally done this before,
and it’s embarrassing every time.
THIS IS BRILLIANT!
oh, wait a minute.
ethan:
causing me to be further amused by myself.
ethan: a perfect combination
Andreas has been known to laugh heartily at my jokes, not because the joke was funny … but because I can’t stop laughing at it myself, which is then meta-amusing. Clearly, my new coworkers are getting used to this echo-chamber of self-obsession as well.
Overheard at the movie theater
19 Nov 2005 In: EavesdropperLast night Dre and I went to go see the new Harry Potter movie. I really enjoyed it, and I agree with critics who have said that it manages to be both the funniest AND the darkest of the series. I was actually sort of suprised to see how many parents brought their very young kids. I would have thought the movie to be too scary for 7 year olds, and MPAA seems to agree, what with the PG-13 rating. As Slate says, “I stood my ground and left my 7-year-old (who devoured the book) at home. Weak-willed parents of similarly aged children should prepare for night sweats and bed-wetting. It’s scary, kids.” But whatever: the kids ate it up, and so did the teenagers and adults.
By far the funniest moment to me was a scene where little Daniel Radcliffe takes off his shirt to get in a bath, revealing a decently toned back and arms. There was this immediate ripple of spontaneous squeals and gasps from the teenaged girls in the audience. Now, don’t get me wrong: clearly Danny had been working out a bit in preparation for the scene, but he’s still a very pale, very scrawny little guy. But don’t tell that to the 15 year old girls in the audience! It was hilarious.
Also overheard, during the Superman trailer: “If he’s so super, why is he still flying around in his underwear?”
Best misheard lyric
1 Oct 2005 In: EavesdropperD: Did he just sing, “I’m a fistula, a walking talking fistula?”
A: Uh, no it’s question mark, a walking talking question mark.
Best spousal IM ever:
15 Sep 2005 In: EavesdropperAriel Meadow: When/where’s your game tonight?
Dre @ Work: 8:30 in West Seattle
Ariel Meadow: Going out drinking afta?
Dre @ Work: Don’t know, why?
Ariel Meadow: Eh, just trying to get a feel for how
much time I have to beat the gimp boy in the basement
without you walking in on me.
Dre @ Work: Take your time, my love
Dre @ Work: I want you to be happy
Work Conversations
2 May 2005 In: EavesdropperPatrick: My Germanness shines through — I love heavy, eggy, cheesy, potatoy foods.
Ariel: potatoy: methinks you should trademark that.
Ariel: Mr. Potatohead’s erotic fiction nom de pleum.
Patrick: Cheap Potatohead knockoff
Ariel: Sorry, honey. we couldn’t afford the plastic potato. Here’s a potato with some pipe cleaners. We call it “potatoy.”
Patrick: The real potatoy: a glass of water. Get it? Potable + toy = potatoy? Sigh. I’m such a nerd.
Ariel: Wow. You totally won the semantic smack down on that one.
Caught in the act
3 Apr 2005 In: EavesdropperSaturday morning cell phone conversation with Sarahbella:
A: Hello!
S: Why hello, little miss grown up! What are you doing?
A: Um, standing in line for a green cone compost bin.
S: …
A: ….
S: Wow, you really are little miss grown up.
A: Er.
Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
You're reading a page from the archives. Check the homepage for current content.
