Observations Category
I’ve studied Sociology both in college and out in the field. It’s about about observation. This is also known as “people watching,” but much more academic. Oh yes. So much more academic. (And no: I’m not being serious.)
Simple proof that I drive the most lesbian car ever:
10
Apr
2003
In: Observations
Exhibit 1: The color
It’s purple.
Exhibit 2: The bumper stickers
Let’s see…when we got the truck, it had stickers on it. We’ve not added any of our own, so the current line up is “SAVE TIBET,” “I ♥ Newfoundlands,” a slightly peeling-off rainbow sticker, a Sarah Lawrence Alumna shield, and a University of Iowa Women’s Athletics Department sticker.
Exhibit 3: The smell
Still smells like that enormous happy Newfoundland who used to ride around in the passenger seat.
Exhibit 4: The vehicle itself
According to Cartalk, the Ford Ranger is the eighth most popular lesbian vehicle.
Exhibit 5: The former owner is a lesbian
If that’s not conclusive, I don’t know what is.
Drawers
2
Apr
2003
In: Observations
I have nicknamed our new upstairs neighbor “Drawers.” This is because s/he is a total clothes horse and obviously spends a lot of time opening and closing his/her drawers looking for just the right outfit. Starting at 6 am: “sliiiiide — slam! sliiiiiiide — slam!” S/he does it for usually 15 to 20 minutes before finding that perfect oufit.
Then again after work: “sliiiiide — slam! sliiiiiiide — slam!” Must be picking out the couture for this evening’s date? It’s almost impressive.
However, Drawers pales in comparison to Clogs, the upstairs neighbor I had in 1998. He liked to wake up early on Saturdays and march around his hardwood floors in clogs. I know because once I went up to ask him to quiet down a bit, and he answered the door … in clogs! He was vacuuming his rugs in clogs. At 8am. On a Saturday. Drawers may be bad, but s/he is nothing compared to that.
Sing It Loud
28
Mar
2003
In: Observations
When highly caffeinated, I always want to do karaoke. If I were doing singing outloud right now, the set would include: George Michael “Freedom ‘90,” Christina Aguilera “Underappreciated,” Cleveland Lounge/AK1200 “Drowning.”
Cellular
18
Jan
2003
In: Observations
I have not been the owner of what’s known as a “land line” for exactly 1.5 years. When I left Olympia for New York summer of 2001, I was armed only with my trusty cell phone, and it’s stayed that way since. There are advantages of living this way, and a few tricky lessons I’ve learned. Read on.
Bonus of cell-only living: Virtually no telemarketing!
Since my number isn’t listed anywhere, I’ve received perhaps three telemarketing calls in the last year. All of these were from my cellular providers (Sprint and AT&T).
Shortcoming: Customer service calls are a bitch.
It doesn’t matter if it’s an 800 number. If I have to call during the day, and I’m on hold for 20 minutes, there go 20 of my precious daytime minutes. And yes: those daytime minutes are precious.
Lesson: Do not be a victim to the ring.
I treat my cell like a home phone, which means I don’t always answer it — especially not when I’m visiting with friends. I’ve often talked to people who whine, “I hate having a cell! It’s always ringing and interrupting me!” To them I say, “Well then, shut the fucking thing off and your callers will figure out that you will call them back later.” Since my cell is my only phone, I’ve never let myself understand the whole victim of the ringing thing.
Advantage: Long distance is included!
This makes for tremendous value, considering that phone, voicemail, and long distance on a land line always added up to much more than the $45 I pay now.
Lesson: Talk to your friends in the evening and weekends.
Simple as that.
Advantage: With no home line, the only choice is to have a broadband connection!
Perhaps I’m fooling myself here, but dial-up simply is not an option. Cable modems are fast, furious, and relatively cheap ($35/mo). This should probably be a caveat, actually: I do much of my communicating via e-mail…so it’s relatively easy for me not to be on the phone all day long.
Advantage: I am no longer a secretary!
When Andreas and I shared a land line, I was often his secretary, answering questions about where he was, when he’d return, if I knew what audio sample he was planning on dropping into that song, etc. Now people trying to reach Andreas call his cell. If he’s hard to reach, it’s his problem.
Simple proof that I drive the most lesbian car ever:
10 Apr 2003 In: ObservationsExhibit 1: The color
It’s purple.
Exhibit 2: The bumper stickers
Let’s see…when we got the truck, it had stickers on it. We’ve not added any of our own, so the current line up is “SAVE TIBET,” “I ♥ Newfoundlands,” a slightly peeling-off rainbow sticker, a Sarah Lawrence Alumna shield, and a University of Iowa Women’s Athletics Department sticker.
Exhibit 3: The smell
Still smells like that enormous happy Newfoundland who used to ride around in the passenger seat.
Exhibit 4: The vehicle itself
According to Cartalk, the Ford Ranger is the eighth most popular lesbian vehicle.
Exhibit 5: The former owner is a lesbian
If that’s not conclusive, I don’t know what is.
Drawers
2 Apr 2003 In: ObservationsI have nicknamed our new upstairs neighbor “Drawers.” This is because s/he is a total clothes horse and obviously spends a lot of time opening and closing his/her drawers looking for just the right outfit. Starting at 6 am: “sliiiiide — slam! sliiiiiiide — slam!” S/he does it for usually 15 to 20 minutes before finding that perfect oufit.
Then again after work: “sliiiiide — slam! sliiiiiiide — slam!” Must be picking out the couture for this evening’s date? It’s almost impressive.
However, Drawers pales in comparison to Clogs, the upstairs neighbor I had in 1998. He liked to wake up early on Saturdays and march around his hardwood floors in clogs. I know because once I went up to ask him to quiet down a bit, and he answered the door … in clogs! He was vacuuming his rugs in clogs. At 8am. On a Saturday. Drawers may be bad, but s/he is nothing compared to that.
Sing It Loud
28 Mar 2003 In: ObservationsWhen highly caffeinated, I always want to do karaoke. If I were doing singing outloud right now, the set would include: George Michael “Freedom ‘90,” Christina Aguilera “Underappreciated,” Cleveland Lounge/AK1200 “Drowning.”
Cellular
18 Jan 2003 In: ObservationsI have not been the owner of what’s known as a “land line” for exactly 1.5 years. When I left Olympia for New York summer of 2001, I was armed only with my trusty cell phone, and it’s stayed that way since. There are advantages of living this way, and a few tricky lessons I’ve learned. Read on.
Bonus of cell-only living: Virtually no telemarketing!
Since my number isn’t listed anywhere, I’ve received perhaps three telemarketing calls in the last year. All of these were from my cellular providers (Sprint and AT&T).
Shortcoming: Customer service calls are a bitch.
It doesn’t matter if it’s an 800 number. If I have to call during the day, and I’m on hold for 20 minutes, there go 20 of my precious daytime minutes. And yes: those daytime minutes are precious.
Lesson: Do not be a victim to the ring.
I treat my cell like a home phone, which means I don’t always answer it — especially not when I’m visiting with friends. I’ve often talked to people who whine, “I hate having a cell! It’s always ringing and interrupting me!” To them I say, “Well then, shut the fucking thing off and your callers will figure out that you will call them back later.” Since my cell is my only phone, I’ve never let myself understand the whole victim of the ringing thing.
Advantage: Long distance is included!
This makes for tremendous value, considering that phone, voicemail, and long distance on a land line always added up to much more than the $45 I pay now.
Lesson: Talk to your friends in the evening and weekends.
Simple as that.
Advantage: With no home line, the only choice is to have a broadband connection!
Perhaps I’m fooling myself here, but dial-up simply is not an option. Cable modems are fast, furious, and relatively cheap ($35/mo). This should probably be a caveat, actually: I do much of my communicating via e-mail…so it’s relatively easy for me not to be on the phone all day long.
Advantage: I am no longer a secretary!
When Andreas and I shared a land line, I was often his secretary, answering questions about where he was, when he’d return, if I knew what audio sample he was planning on dropping into that song, etc. Now people trying to reach Andreas call his cell. If he’s hard to reach, it’s his problem.
Hey there. I'm Ariel Meadow Stallings, a native Seattleite who's written my way up and down the Left Coast. Electrolicious is where I post daily randomata, but I also write for a living. My first book, Offbeat Bride, was published last year.
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